Mockingjay before the Epilogue
by les7091
Summary: Why did Katniss finally agree to have children? What did Katniss and Peeta do before then, in those fifteen years before they had children? How did they pass the time? And... nobody lives forever; how did they handle the deaths of those around them? How do the children handle learning about their parents' past? So many unanswered questions at the end of Mockingjay
1. Chapter 1

Every day when Greasy Sae comes over to make breakfast, Peeta accompanies her. At first it seemed a little awkward, but after a week, things feel more comfortable. We talk, joke, laugh. For the first week or so, Peeta left when Sae did, but he recently started staying for a while to talk with me some more. We play a lot of Real or Not Real to help clear any remaining problems he was having. After about a month of Peeta joining Sae and me for breakfast, Sae says she has an announcement

"Ok, girl" she says, looking at me "I love coming over and talking to you and cooking for you, but with more and more people returning to twelve, I'm going to open my kitchen up again soon. I won't have time for you anymore" she says. The first thing I find myself thinking is; this is my only reason for Peeta coming over. I sneak a side glance at him, but look away quickly when I see that he is also looking back at me.

"I'll finish out the week, but then you're on your own" she says. She stands and gathers the dishes, taking them to the kitchen. Peeta and I sit in silence until I decide to try and say something, even after being the Mockingjay; I'm still not good with words.

"I... we..." I can't find the words for what I'm trying to say, probably because I don't know what I'm trying it say "You've been staying in your victor house, right?" I ask him. I already know the answer, I don't know why I asked.

"Yeah" he says quietly

"So we're both alone" I say, just as quiet as him

"Yes" he says, stiffening a little

"You know... there are a lot of empty rooms here"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... If you want... I mean, we are both alone... we could, I mean you could... you can stay here, with me" I finally get out. I mentally smack myself for sounding like an idiot. Sae walks back in then, gathering her things

"Well, I'll see you two tomorrow" she says, leaving. We sit in silence for a little bit

"Katniss..." Peeta says "I still have... episodes occasionally. I don't want to hurt you or have you to be afraid in your own home" he says softly. I look at him, into his bright blue eyes. They are finally his again, not faded and cloudy like they were when he was first rescued. They are still not quite what they used to be, but still amazing

"I'm not worried" I tell him. He looks surprised; but I'm not sure why. He hasn't done anything to hurt me since the incident with his gun in the capitol, but that was in the capitol and it takes since that being there would set him off; I tell him that too. He sits silent for a bit before replying

"I'm not quite so sure" he says in almost a whisper. I reach across the table and take his hand, hesitating a little

"I... I trust you" I tell him "And I feel better when you're here" I say, honestly. He smiles a little, I missed that; there was a long time when he would never smile

"Me too" he says "I... guess we can try" I can't help smiling a little

"Ok" is all I say

"So when can I..."

"Whenever you get your stuff over here" I tell him

"I could do that today"

"I could help you"


	2. Chapter 2

And so we spend the rest of the day moving his stuff; clothes and things, to one of the many empty rooms in my house. We stop around noon for lunch. When we finish eating, I come across Peeta's art room. we look around for a while at his paintings of the games before I say that we need to leave. Peeta agrees and we rush out, grabbing paint and brushes as we go, and locking the door behind us. When we finish, it's about dinner time and we heat up something that Greasy Sae had left. Then we go to our rooms after saying a somewhat awkward good night to each other. I sleep well, just knowing Peeta is in the other room. In the morning, I wake to the smell of whatever Sae is cooking downstairs. I find that Peeta is already awake and is talking with Sae. I go down and sit at the table with him

"Good morning" He says

"Good morning" I say back, quietly. Sae finishes cooking rather quickly and leaves quickly, she is getting a deliver on the train for her new soup kitchen stand today, she says.

"So" I say after a beat of silence after Sae leaves "How did you sleep? Be honest, please"

"I slept... better" he tells me "Not good; I don't think it will ever be good again but... better" he says with a small smile. I smile back

"Me too" I tell him. Today we set up Peeta's things, unpacking and putting things away. I tell him he can use another one of the empty rooms for an art room, so we set up the couple of easels we grabbed from his place. We sit in the living room, eating cookies that Peeta made after dinner. I want to say something; but I have no clue what to say, so I stay silent

"So" Peeta finally says "where... where is your mother?" I take a deep breath. I haven't really spoken to her since I finally called her when Peeta returned

"She's... staying in district four. Returning here would be... too much for her" I say. Peeta looks worried

"Well what about you? Why isn't it too much for you?" he asks. Damn, I think I'm going to cry. I close my eyes for a moment and then open them

"It is" I say quietly, my voice still shaking

"Then why return?" he asks

"I have nowhere else to go and twelve... twelve will always be my home" I whisper

"Me too" he says. I scoot a little closer to him

"I'm really sorry about your family" I tell him quietly

"They weren't much of a family" he says, sounding sad. "You know how my mom was, my brothers never really cared, and my dad... well nothing can be done about it; it's how things are" I scoot a little closer and hesitantly wrap my arms around him. He stiffens a little and then relaxes a little, and hugs me back. I squeeze him tight and pray that I can never let go. I have to though, when Peeta gets a little squirmy

"I'm sorry" I tell him, letting him go and scooting away

"Its fine I just..." he trails off

"I know, I'm sorry" I say again

"Katniss" Peeta says, looking at me. I find myself staring into his eyes "It's ok" he whispers. We keep staring at each other, searching the other's eyes. I suddenly feel the need to look away and do so, standing up

"I'm... gonna go to bed" I say. I go to walk past Peeta, and he grabs my hand as I go. I stop and look at him

"Good night Katniss" he says quietly

"Good night Peeta" I almost whisper back. I then rush into my room. I shower and get dressed for bed. I lay in bed thinking, and over thinking. I find myself wishing I could crawl into bed with Peeta, or that he would crawl into bed with me. I miss him... I finally manage to fall asleep.

The next couple of months are a repeat of the same thing. Peeta and I wake up and eat breakfast together, I head off the woods, come home, we talk, make supper, and go to bed. Some others return to twelve, but we don't talk to many people. We don't even see much of Haymitch. For some reason, he decided to raise geese when he wasn't drinking so he is usually busy with them. I have many nightmares but manage to stay quiet, as not to worry Peeta. I know Peeta has nightmares because he has to order more paint from the capitol a few times because he used so much painting. I'm glad he's got something to help him feel better. He does have a couple of flashbacks, but they are nothing like they used to be. His eyes get a little cloudy and he grabs onto something and hangs on until it is over. The only problem was when the only thing available to grab onto was the glass he was holding and he sliced his hand open. No healers or doctors have moved to twelve yet, even though we are converting the district to make medicines; but they should be coming in soon. That being said, I had to stitch Peeta's hand up myself. It wasn't fun, but we managed. Things are going really well between us. Ever night we make time for Real or Not Real and we also get to know anything about each other we didn't already know. Things would be perfect if we didn't still have such terrible nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake one night because of a nightmare. It was something new. I didn't wake screaming like I normally do and the dream wasn't like my usual. I dreamed that Peeta never moved back to twelve. He never came to the capital. He was left in thirteen; hijacked. I am so scared that it is real. Is Peeta in the other room? Or is he in thirteen? I lay in bed for about fifteen minutes before I have to go check. Using hunter's tread; I make my way out of my room, and down the hall to Peeta's room. He's not in there. I start breathing heavy and I am freaking out a little. I start to check all of the rooms and keep coming up empty. I gradually get more and more panicked until I think of his art room downstairs. I go there and slowly open the door. I release a huge sigh of relief. Peeta is asleep on the couch with a paintbrush covered in green paint grasped tightly in his hand. I go over to him and gently run my fingers through his hair, just to make sure he's real. I feel a lot better, so I start to leave the room when I notice what he was painting. It's me, in a tree. I think about when he could have seen me like that and then I remember in the games; when he was with the careers and they had me treed. I wonder why he painted it. I hear Peeta start to stir, and I rush out of the room. I'm sure he doesn't want me to see what he was painting; that's his business. I go back to bed feeling better and a little bothered at the same time. Is Peeta being haunted in his dreams by me, normal me; not a mutt anymore? I really hope not, and I hope he would tell me if he was. I manage to go back to sleep and not wake again.

I don't say anything to Peeta over breakfast about his painting, but I do leave to go to the woods and think about it some more. I've been over thinking it, I know. In my silent thinking state, a small doe wanders over. I take her down with two arrows, one to the eye, and one to the shoulder. She still manages to run a little, but fortunately for me, toward the district. I find her easily, following the blood trail. She's small, but still too large for me to drag back into the district by myself. I rush back to twelve and into the victor's village. I go into the house and find Peeta in his art room painting.

"Peeta, I need your help" I say, bursting into the room. He jumps a little, I should have given some warning. "Sorry, I need help"

"It's alright. Help with what?" he says, setting his brush down

"I shot a deer and I'm not strong enough to drag her back on my own" I tell him

"Wow, really? ok, let me get my shoes" he says, rushing out of the room and into his bed room. He comes back out with jeans on, he still had pajama pants on before, and his shoes on. We hurry into the woods; if we don't hurry, a predator might get it. It feels a little weird to have Peeta in my woods, but it's also nice. I want Peeta out quickly though because I don't want him having any attacks after having bad dreams about the woods. It takes a little bit longer than it would with just me, but that's not Peeta's fault, with his artificial leg, but we get there quick enough. I grab the front two legs and Peeta gets the back two and we start dragging her back

"I never seem to realize how amazing a shot you are until I see it" he says as we go. I smile and feel my face redden a little

"Thanks" I say. We make it to the fence before we have to stop.

"So where are we taking it?" Peeta asks. I remember the time Gale and I had shot a deer and everybody at the hob tried to get it. I also remember a deer is how I got Prim her goat... I shake it away and think about what to do this time.

"Um... I think Thom might know how to butcher a deer" I say. He lives in the first house in the village but he should be working today. They finished gathering the remains of those killed in the bombing about two months ago. I heard the ashes of the buildings and everything were going to be plowed into the soil and we are going to plant medical herbs. That should be good; help give life out of all of the death. I need to worry about the task at hand. I leave Peeta to watch the deer; telling him to just leave it if an animal comes, and giving him a knife just in case. I find Thom where the Hob used to be, plowing and I tell him about the deer. I was right, he does know how to butcher it, and tells us we can leave it in the garage and he'll get it when he finishes plowing. We'll figure out payment later. I got back to Peeta and we manage to get the deer to Thom's garage.

"Thank you" I tell Peeta as we head home to wash up; we both got covered in blood.

"It's not problem" he tells he with a grin

"What were you painting?" I ask him

"I... I had a bad dream last night and I was just painting it out... it helps" he says. I bite my cheek. He was having a bad dream about me; not the mutt version of me.

"I want to be honest with you, Peeta"

"Ok"

"I woke up from a bad dream last night and I... needed to make sure you were ok. I found you in your art room, asleep, and I saw what you were painting" I say "Do you have nightmares about the real me?" I say quietly, looking away

"Katniss..." he stops "We should get cleaned up" he says, and goes into the house. I follow and quietly wash the blood off of myself and change my clothes. I quietly get the shirt Peeta took off, and put our bloody clothes in the washer with a lot of soap.

"Katniss" I hear Peeta call my name from the other room. I come out of the laundry room slowly, finding Peeta in the living room, sitting on the couch "Katniss, I want to tell you what happened, but I don't want you to freak out" he says. I cautiously sit down next to him

"I won't" I promise him. He doesn't seem too sure

"I had a dream of the arena, you know that" he starts "and it was when I was with the careers and we had you caught in the tree. Everything was normal and I think as it actually was until you..." he trails off. I want to take him hand, but I don't. I do put my hand on the couch next to his though

"It was normal until you changed. You grew large fangs and turned into one of the wolf mutts. You attacked me and then I woke up. I had to think hard about what was real. I thought if I painted what I knew was real; it would stick in my head better" he says. He hasn't looked at me the whole time, but he did look at my hand when I set it next to his.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper

"It was just a dream" he says, sounding like he's still trying to convince himself of that

"Yes, it was just a dream. That would never happen in real life. I could never hurt you, and I'm so sorry you have dreams like that" I tell him, feeling my eyes start to water; I look away. Peeta takes my hand

"You're my friend, real or not real?" he says. I look back at him

"Real" I whisper

"You care about me, real or not real?"

"Real"

"You and I protect each other, real or not real?"

"Always real" I tell him, squeezing his hand. We end up staring at each other and I want to kiss him. I panic and turn on the tv and I come across that singing show Plutarch wanted me to be on.

"I think that could have been helpful for you" Peeta says

"I could never... Singing was something I did with... Prim" my voice catches a little every time I say her name "And it always makes me think of you" I tell him

"Why?" he asks

"Do you remember when you said you first... fell in love with me?" I ask him, looking away

"No" he says after thinking for a while. It really hurts that even that memory was taken from him

"You said we were about five and my hair was in two braids instead of one. We were in music class and the teacher asked-"

"Who knew the Valley song?" Peeta says, thoughtfully. I smile

"Yes" I whisper "She stood me up on a stool and had me sing it" I finish

"And every bird fell silent" he says after a few seconds, almost to himself. I blush and smile

"That's what you say. Anyway, it's just something too personal that I don't want to share with everybody" I say

"Would you sing for me?" Peeta asks quietly. I think for a moment a little song that I must have learned when I was about five comes to mine. I open my mouth and sing softly

 _There was a little boy and a little girl_

 _Lived in an alley_

 _Says the little boy to the little girl,_

 _"Shall I, oh, shall I?"_

 _Says the little girl to the little boy_

 _"What shall we do?"_

 _Says the little boy to the little girl_

 _"I'll kiss you"_

I finish and see Peeta smiling at me

"You have an amazing voice" he says. I can't help but think back to those weeks and weeks after I shot Coin when I had nothing to do other than to sing to myself all day long.

"Thank you" I whisper to him. Just then the phone rings and we both nearly jump out of our skins. I go to the phone; it's Thom

"Come on over" he says, and hangs up. I know he doesn't like phones, most seam people don't; I don't. I tell Peeta and we head over to Thom's house. He shows me how to butcher the deer, but does most of the work. Peeta and I agree that Thom can keep most of the meat, he promises to give a lot of it to Greasy Sae, and we take a few steaks and a couple of other choice cuts. We go home and cook one of the steaks, putting the rest in the freezer.


	4. Chapter 4

When I go to bed, I find myself really wanting to ask Peeta to join me, to hold me and kiss me. But I can't; I only softly tell him goodnight and quickly hug him, immediately feeling embarrassed, rushing into my room. I fall asleep rather quickly, probably due to all of the physical work today. This would normal lead to a somewhat peaceful sleep; but not tonight. I wake for the first time in a while screaming. I finally come to my senses when the door opens and I see Peeta

"I'm sorry, it was just a bad dream" I tell him

"It's okay... I get them too" he says. I get a sense of déjà vu

"Peeta... will you stay with me?" I say, testing how far I can push this repeat of history. He hesitates a little, but comes into the room, shutting the door behind him. He climbs into the bed next to me.

"Always" he says softly. This is all just like before, and I forget that it's not. I lean in and kiss Peeta softly on the lips. I realize too late what I have done. I might send him into a flashback or he might freak out or... he's kissing me back. I pull away quickly, panicking

"I'm sorry, I..." I don't know what to say. I don't look at Peeta, just at the bed. He says nothing for a while, and then he places his hand on my cheek and turns me to face him. He kisses me. It is so amazing to kiss him again, and I never want to stop. I wrap my arms around his neck and run my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. He holds me tight against him. It feels so amazing. Somehow Peeta's shirt ends up in the floor. And then mine. Things escalate and I have no idea how it even started; but I don't care. I never imagined being with Peeta this way, but I'm so happy it has happened. After, I lay curled up against him. My hand is on his chest and I feel his fast heart beat and breathing slow down.

"Katniss..." he whispers "You love me... real or not real?" I think for a moment. I wouldn't have done that with somebody I didn't love...

"Real" I whisper to him before I fall asleep.

When I wake, the first thing I see is my hand curled against Peeta's chest. It takes a minute for everything to come back to me and when it does, my cheeks redden. I look up at his face and see he is still sleeping. He's so handsome; I just lay here, staring at him. His eyelids flutter and he opens his eyes. I was caught staring at him, but I don't look away. I have to say it. I open my mouth to speak but

"I love you, Katniss" Peeta whispers to me. I grin at him

"I love you too" I whisper back. It feels weird to say, I haven't told anybody I loved them since I last spoke to my mother months ago. Peeta smiles and hugs me close against him. I realize we are both still... not wearing clothes. I feel my face redden again and I try to pull away again

"You were just as pure during the first games, real or not real" he says, chuckling at me

"I guess real" I tell him, chuckling at my own insecurity. I still grab a blanket from the foot of the bed and wrap it around myself as I walk to the bathroom. Peeta continues to laugh at me

"I'm taking a shower" I say, shutting the bathroom door on him. When I come out, Peeta is gone. I hear the shower running from one of the other bathrooms, so I quickly dress. I don't know why I'm still being like that; it's not like I have any reason to be squeamish around Peeta anymore; but I am. I sit on the bed, thinking about last night. It was amazing. I am so lost in thought I don't notice Peeta until he is right in front of me

"What are you thinking?" he says softly. I kiss him gently

"I'm thinking that I love you" I whisper to him. He smiles

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that" me neither. I plan to never stop telling him that I love him. I was stubborn for far too long and I have a lot to make up to him. I'm incredibly scared, everybody I love seems to leave me, but I won't let Peeta leave my life; it'll never happen. We are staring at each other and smiling when we hear sudden loud swearing


	5. Chapter 5

"Son of a bitch!" Haymitch shouts.

"Oh, god" Peeta says. We rush out of the house and over to Haymitch's place. We find him in his backyard, with his geese

"What's wrong, Haymitch?" Peeta says, walking over to him

"That damn goose drank my liquor!" he shouts, pointing at a goose. I start laughing; hard. Peeta joins me and we laugh so hard it hurts, until Haymitch starts shouting at us

"God damn it, it's not funny! That was the last liquor I had until next week!" he says. I try to get a hold of myself and I finally manage to stop laughing.

"Maybe you need it" I tell him, still smiling widely. Haymitch shoots me a dirty look and I suddenly get really upset "I'm serious, Haymitch! You need to be drinking less anyway, you were doing so good in thirteen!" I snap at him. He looks at me wide-eyed and Peeta raises his eyebrows at me

"What? Really Haymitch, it isn't healthy. I understand why you do it, some days I want to do it too. You lost the people you cared most about but if you look at today; at right here and now, you will see that you have two people who you love and love you back. But you drink yourself into a stupor everyday and don't spend time with them. I care about you Haymitch, and I don't want you drinking yourself to death" I tell him. My voice starts to waver and I have to stop, for fear of bursting into tears. Haymitch is the closest person I have had for a father in a really long time. He saved my life and helped me at some of my worst times. I do love him, and I'm sure Peeta does too. I look over at him and see him smiling and nodding. Haymitch, however... he looks like he might cry. He sits on the ground and puts his elbows on his knees, resting his head on his hands. I sit down next to him and Peeta sits on the side opposite of me

"You two love me?" Haymitch asks quietly

"Of course we do" Peeta says. We sit in silence for a while until Haymitch raises his head and puts an arm around our shoulders. He pulls us close to him

"I love you guys too" he says. Peeta and I stand up and then help Haymitch up. As soon as he is standing, I can't help but wrap my arms around him. He hesitates a moment before hugging me back. Peeta then does that weird guy thing where they slap their hands together and then half hug. I've never understood it, but they make it look cute.

"How about you join us for breakfast, take your mind off of things?" Peeta says "I'm making..." he turns to me to fill in the blank

"Pancakes?" I ask

"I'm making pancakes" He tell Haymitch

"That sounds great" He says, following us back to our house. Peeta makes pancakes, like he said, and I have wild berries and maple syrup from the woods to top them with. We talk as we eat; about town, Haymitch's geese, how we have been; things like that. Soon the food is gone, but we are still sitting and talking. At some point Peeta grabbed my hand under the table and weaved his fingers through mine. I tell them about an idea I have been thinking about for a while; a book, like the plant book, with people in it. Peeta could draw pictures if we don't have one, and we could write everything amazing about them. Peeta loves it, and Haymitch agrees to contribute the twenty three years of tributes he had to mentor. I smile at how happy the idea makes Peeta. We sit smiling at each other before I notice Haymitch looking at us weird. His eyes narrow and he looks like he's inspecting us

"Something's happened" he says. What?

"What do you mean?" Peeta asks

"I don't know, but something happened between the two of you" he says. I feel my face get red; he can't know, can he? Then his eyes widen and he grins at us "You did not" he says

"What are you talking about?" I ask him. I know my face must be bright red by now; he knows and I am mortified

"Oh man! And how long did it take? Two months since you've been back? I'm impressed, Peeta" he says, chuckling. I look at Peeta and his face is a little red too "Aw, do we still have our little purity princess?" Haymitch says, looking at how red my face is

"I-I don't know what you're talking about" I stammer. He laughs harder. Peeta gives my hand a squeeze, telling me to stay calm. I know Haymitch is just messing around, but I am so embarrassed. Finally, Haymitch stop laughing and he just sits smiling at us.

"Are you done?" Peeta asks with a grin

"Do you love her?" Haymitch asks him, now dead serious

"Yes" Peeta says immediately. Haymitch looks at me. He doesn't say anything at first, just stares at me

"Do you love him?" he asks me quietly. I look at Peeta and smile at him. I continue to look at him when I answer

"Yes" I say. Haymitch nods in approval

"It's about time. I need to get back to my geese" He says, standing

"Will you join us again for dinner?" I ask him

"If you don't mind" He says

"Of course not" Peeta tell him

"I'll be here then, just call me" he says, leaving.

"That was amazing" Peeta says to me

"What?" I ask

"What you said to him. I think it really got to him. I hope he drinks less" He tells me. I go over to him and kiss him softly

"Me too" I tell him.

For the next week, Haymitch joins us for breakfast and dinner, taking care of lunch on his own. We spend a lot of time talking and I write down the information we are going to be putting into the book about the tributes. It takes up a lot of time and is really emotionally exhausting. We are working on the victor section of the book when we get to Johanna.

"Is she still in thirteen?"Peeta asks

"I think they let her move back to seven" Haymitch says.

"I wonder how she's doing" Peeta says quietly. I know why he's so concerned; they were housed together when they were tortured.

"We should call her" I say. And so we find her number and call her. We even invite her to come and see us. She accepts and promises to be on the next train to twelve; which turns out to be about a week later.


	6. Chapter 6

We wait at the train station for Johanna. I can't help but think about her relapse that prevented her from coming with me to the capitol. I hope she's gotten better; mentally and physically. The train arrives and stops. Many people carrying the delivery boxes pour out of one car but only one person steps out of the other car; Johanna. She searches around for us and when she spots us, she smiles. I smile back at her and we make our way over to her. She looks much better; she has gained a lot of much needed weight and her hair is longer. To my surprise, she hugs me.

"Hey Brainless!" she says. She let's go quickly and then hugs Peeta "Peeta!" she says

"Hi Johanna" Peeta and I say

"Oh my god, it has been raining nonstop in most of the districts, I have not been able to sleep at all!" she says.

"Well come on then" Peeta tells her. We head back to our house, telling Johanna about the reconstruction as we go. We are almost to the village when I have to ask her

"So how has your... recovery been?"

"Great. I got a new doctor, not like that dumbass from thirteen" I laugh at that "And it helps. I can take shower now without too much trouble but not a bath and rain... I can't stand rain" she says

"Good" I tell her

"Obviously, Lover boy has been a lot better" she says, playfully punching Peeta in the arm

"Yeah I've been a lot better. I don't have as many... attacks and when I do they are easy to stop" he tells her

"I bet you're a lot of help in that department, aren't you?" Johanna says to me with a wink

"What?" I say. She better not be talking about what I think she's talking about

"You know" she says with a wiggle of her eyebrows

"Oh my god" I say, walking a little faster ahead of her. I hear her laughing behind me. We get to the house and I show Johanna to the guest room and she flops down on the bed

"Ahhhh" she says, cuddling against a pillow. She really must have been tired because not a minute later, she's asleep

"I've got a feeling that this was a bad idea" I tell Peeta after we sit down at the kitchen table, drinking tea

"Why do you say that?" Peeta asks me

"Because it's going to end up like Haymitch finding out all over again" I say

"She can't know!" he argues. I guess he didn't hear what she said to me earlier

"Oh, she knows, and I have a feeling that there will be a lot of jokes when she is awake enough to come up with some" Peeta nods

"We need to keep her away from Haymitch" he says. I laugh and agree with him. We go into the living room and try to find something that could interest us on the TV. We end up watching that singing show again, but not for long. Peeta starts playing with my hair, distracting me, and when all of my hair is to one side, he softly kisses my neck. A shudder runs through me and I turn to kiss him. I get that feeling; the one I got in the cave and on the beach. I've realized what that feeling is; it's want, and now I get that feeling every time Peeta and I kiss. I run my fingers through his hair and knot them in the curls at the base of his neck. It scares me to feel this way with Peeta, to kiss him like this. But I have to remind myself that it's ok. Suddenly a long, low whistle interrupts us. I jerk away from Peeta, a reaction I can't help and look for the source. Of course, there is Johanna, standing there with her hair a mess from sleeping, clicking her tongue at us and shaking her head

"You've got company, and you're still getting it on, on the couch" she says.

"We were not!" I say defensively

"Hey, say whatever you want, but I know what I saw" she says with a smile. I roll my eyes at her and look to Peeta. He just smiles a little and shakes his head. Johanna comes over to the couch and flops down next to Peeta

"Been having fun like that a lot, lover boy?" she asks Peeta. He gets a little red and doesn't answer. Johanna just laughs at his discomfort. We spend the rest of her visit the same way; Peeta and I try to have a moment and Johanna comes in and laughs at us and makes fun of us. Sometimes Haymitch will come over and join in the mocking. It isn't until the day before Johanna leaves for seven when I think the mocking from her will stop forever. Peeta made breakfast but I was the only one awake at the time to eat. We were sitting at the table eating when Haymitch showed up and then not much later Johanna came in and started making jokes about how romantic it was that Peeta made breakfast for me. I'm not sure what exactly it was that she had said, but it triggered a tracker jacker attack on Peeta. It was the first one he had had in a while, and the first one Johanna had witnessed since she had seen him in thirteen. He was standing behind his chair after standing up and he just stopped and gripped the back of the chair, hard. His eyes dilated into black pools and he just stared ahead, fighting the demons in his head. I jumped up quickly, going to him

"Peeta, it's not real" I whisper to him, running my hand down his back "It'll be okay, it's not real" his brow furrowed and he closed his eyes. His body relaxed and he lessened his grip on the chair. He opened his eyes

"You love me, real or not real?" he said, looking into my eyes. I looked back into his, which were back to their beautiful blue color

"Real" I said, hugging him "Always. I'll always love you, no matter what" I tell him in a shaky voice. I'm always scared when that happens to him. not because I'm afraid he'll hurt me, but because I'm afraid he'll never return to me. I realize the quiet and lessen my hold on Peeta, looking at Haymitch and Johanna. They are both staring at us, wide eyed. I realized that was the first time wither of them had heard me tell Peeta I loved him, and it was the first time Johanna had seen him like that. Johanna comes over and hugs Peeta, hesitantly

"Good job" I hear her whisper to him "I need to finish packing my things, I think the train comes at noon" she says louder, leaving the room. Haymitch is still staring at me. Then he grins

"Nice job, sweetheart" he tells me. I shake my head at him, but then have to hug him. He still seems a little wary of Peeta though

"I'm fine" Peeta tells him, hugging him as well. Later that day, we take Johanna to the train station and then are able to have some us time while Haymitch fusses with his geese. After, I lay with my head against Peeta's chest just swirling my finger around. He's got a few burn scars, but it's ok; so do I.

"I'm sorry" Peeta says softly

"What for?"

"I know it scares you when that happens and I don't want you to be afraid of me" he says. I sit up more so I can look at him, adjusting the blanket to cover myself

"I'm not afraid of you; that's not what scares me. What scares me is you going into one of those... attacks and never coming out of it. I don't know what I would do without you" I tell him. He grins at me and pulls me back against him.

"I love you" he says softly

"I love you too" I tell him back.


	7. Chapter 7

"Are you serious? And what do you expect to accomplish?... I don't know... I'll talk to Katniss about it... I don't know; Haymitch would have to agree too... whatever... bye" Peeta hangs up the receiver and joins me again on the couch.

"Who was that and what was that all about?" I ask him. He takes a deep breath

"It was Plutarch... he wants to do a show about the victors for the first anniversary of life without the hunger games. He wants us all to go to the capitol and join in the festivities" he says with false bravado

"He wants us to go to the capitol?" I ask him

"Yeah, well not just us, all the victors. There aren't many of us left, really. Enobaria, Betee, Annie, Johanna, us, Haymitch" he says

"I don't want to go to the capitol" I say in a small voice.

"I know; me neither but... Plutarch will have a total fit if we don't at least consider it" I think about it for a while. I heard there was some kind of statue built at the murder site of those capitol children and rebel medics and... Prim. It would be nice to visit it and bring her flowers... and cry. I take a deep breath

"We should talk to Haymitch about it" I say in the same small voice "What have the other said; Johanna and Annie?"

"Annie wants to take little Finnick to his father's... gravesite. And Johanna says she would go if she could spit on anything she wants to" Peeta says with a light chuckle.

"We should talk to Haymitch" I repeat. I don't know what to do and I need my mentor. Peeta agrees and we call Haymitch, inviting him over for supper. We eat Peeta's mock lamb stew, made with deer instead of lamb and we made cookies, if Peeta making and baking the cookies and me cutting out shapes could be considered 'we'. Haymitch takes a bite out of his third cookie

"So, what's the catch?" He says

"Did Plutarch call you?" Peeta asks him. Haymitch's eyes narrow

"No, why, did he call you?" he says

"Yes... He wants us to be in a video he's making" Peeta tells him

"What kind of video?"

"About the victors; he wants all of the remaining victors to go to the party in the capitol" Peeta explains to him. I stay silent; and so does Haymitch for a while.

"What did you tell him?" He finally asks

"We told him we'd talk to you first and then call him back"

We spend a lot of time talking about it. Weighing the pros and cons. seeing Prim's statue: pro; it's in the capitol: con. Seeing our friends and fellow victors after so many months: pro; seeing all the capitol people who still live there: con. Dealing with the mental demons: con. We decide that we do not want to be the odd men out and ruin Plutarch's video. We call him and agree to go, but with a couple of conditions. We want more help in the rebuilding of twelve; many buildings can be built in a year, but not enough. I know more people would return if there was room. And Peeta has thought about reopening the bakery, as a therapy, but a bakery is at the bottom of the list of things to build right now. We also ask for a train completely different from the ones that took us to the capitol previous times. All other trains are slower but we don't want on the capitol trains. He agrees and tells us to be on the train heading to the capitol a week from now.

Thom agrees to keep an eye on the houses and Haymitch's geese. We pack bags even though they will surely provide the clothes we will be wearing on screen. I don't really want to do this. Peeta is sure to pack a lot of paint and small canvases. We should be okay since we will have each other for comfort... we should. Faster than I would have hoped, Peeta, Haymitch, and I are waiting at the train station for the train to arrive. I keep a tight grip on Peeta's hand when we see the train arriving. It slows to a stop, the door opens, and... Effie appears? Our old escort is still apparently up for the job. She prances off the train and then sees us, squealing and rushing over. She looks like herself again, with her colorful wig; pink again, high heels, and colorful clothes. She notices mine and Peeta's hands linked together and she loses it. She starts talking so fast I can barely understand her. Haymitch already look like he could use a bottle, he's been a lot better the last year, but I am starting to want one myself

"I heard you two were back together, but I wasn't sure. I am so happy. I knew you were much better Peeta, but I knew how you must feel about all that had happened. Haymitch, you are looking much better than you used to. One good thing came out of thirteen, I suppose, sobering you up some. I am going to be hosting the video, so I am here to escort you!" she finally stops and we all wait for a second just to be sure she is really done.

"Hi Effie" I say. She rushes over and hugs me and Peeta

"Hello, my darlings!" she says, squeezing us tight. She finally lets us go and looks over at Haymitch. He eyes her warily. She only holds out her hand to him. He takes it and they shake once. "Well, we must be going, we have a schedule!"

Some men come off the train and get our bags for us. I'm not sure what kind of train it is. It's not like the one that took us for the games, but it's not a delivery train. I still hesitate before stepping onto it. 'We will all return' I keep telling myself. We all go into the dining car for lunch and too talk, but I still keep a hold of Peeta's hand. He doesn't seem to mind and we both eat one-handed. Effie asks about a hundred questions about how our life has been in twelve, how Peeta has been since his treatment in the capitol, how our visit with Johanna and are we excited to see her again. We answer many of her questions and ignore many others. After we ignore about five questions in a row, mostly about our love life, which I have no idea why she wants to know; she changes the subject and tell us about the video. We are going to be picking up all of the victors on this train, which is why we were on a schedule. We will go in descending order, but our next stop will be in seven, the victors from districts eleven, ten, nine, and eight all died in the war. I stop talking and just stare out the window after I learn that. Effie seems to notice my discomfort and leaves me alone for a while. Of course she still drags me back into the conversation later. We won't get to seven until tomorrow, but we still get to bed late because of all of Effie's questions. She continues all through dinner until Haymitch yawns excessively loud and announces that he has to get to bed. Peeta goes off of that and says we could get to bed too, and we rush out of the room. Because I am still shy, I get dressed for bed while Peeta brushes his teeth, and then we switch. I curl up against Peeta in the bed and he holds me

"It'll be okay" he whispers in my ear, but he doesn't sound so sure

"I know, it just makes me... anxious" I whisper back

"Me too, but I bet I can distract you" he tells me. I smile

"Oh yeah, how?" I ask him. He leans down some and kisses my neck, I love that.

"Is it working?" he asks. I giggle a little

"Yeah" I tell him. He laughs and kisses my lips gently "I love you"

"I love you too" he says. We manage to fall asleep and keep the nightmares away. I expected Effie to be at our door in the morning, saying it's a big, big, big day and we need to get up, but when I wake, it's pretty late.

"Good morning" I say to Peeta with a yawn. He chuckles lightly at me

"Good morning" he tells me. We get dressed and search for Haymitch and Effie. We find them in the dining car having what seems to be, surprisingly, a civil conversation.

"What are you two talking about?" Peeta asks them, walking over. I follow him and we sit opposite of Haymitch and Effie

"The two of you" Haymitch answers

"What about us" I demand, on the defense

"Nothing bad, just about how much better the two of you have been in the last year" Haymitch says, putting his hands up in surrender "And about how the two of you have helped me" he adds with a grin. Peeta takes my hand under the table

"Seems like you two have been a real positive influence on him" Effie says with an approving glance at Haymitch "Anyway, we should be in district seven in about ten minutes" she says, checking her watch

"Johanna" Peeta says

"I've kind of missed her" I say

"It's always fun to have somebody else to make fun of the two of you with" Haymitch says, chuckling. I just roll my eyes at him. A year and he still makes jokes. Ten minutes later we are pulling into the station in district seven.

We spend the day talking with Johanna and catching up. Her hair is still short and when I ask her about it, she tells me that she actually likes it that way. She has also been seeing this guy for a while, but she's not quite sure if she's ready to be in a relationship just yet.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day we make it to district four and pick up Annie. I almost cry when I see her and little Finnick; he looks just like his daddy. He has Finnick's dark hair and beautiful sea green eyes. I'm a little worried about talking with Annie, because I was wary about her before; but she's different. Effie tells us that she was able to receive treatment for her mental instability that wasn't offered before. Obviously, she still has the trauma of being through everything and then losing her husband, but she is more aware and more able to deal with it than she had been before. Peeta plays with one year old little Finnick in the floor while I talk with Annie and Johanna. Annie tells us that her treatment has been a cursing and a blessing; she is better able to take care if little Finnick, but she is also more aware of what happened to her husband. I discover that she is a very amazing person and I can see now why Finnick loved her so. It doesn't take long until we are in district three, picking up Beetee. He is still in a wheelchair, but he assures us that it is only because it is easier for him to get around. There is so much talking going on that I don't realize how tired I am until we finally get to bed. I lay flat on the bed while Peeta gets ready for bed.

"Katniss" Peeta says, walking out of the bathroom

"Huh?" I say, looking over at him. He comes over to the bed and slowly sits down next to me. I sit up and face him on the bed "What's wrong?" I ask him

"I... I need to ask you... will we ever be able to..." wow, for once Peeta is the one at a loss for words "Will we ever have what Annie has?" he says. I just stare at him for a minute. Is he asking what I think he's asking? I always thought Peeta would make an amazing father and seeing him play with little Finnick was adorable, but I could never...

"Peeta I..." I don't know what to say; I don't want to break his heart, but I'm sure I will. I suddenly start crying. Peeta scoots over and wraps his arms around me

"Hey, I didn't mean..." he doesn't know what to say; he shouldn't have to explain himself

"I'm so sorry!" I say around sobs. He deserves anything and everything he wants, but this is something I don't know that I will ever be able to give him. We have been so careful for the last year, what if he won't be so careful anymore?

"Hey, Katniss" He says, talking my chin and turning my face to look at his "Shh, I don't mean now, or any time soon, just... someday?" I've stopped sobbing but silent tears still race down my cheeks.

"I don't..." is all I can get out. He wraps his arms around me again, rocking me gently

"Shhh... I love you" he whispers in my ear

"And I love you... I'm so sorry" I say again. I finally stop crying, but we stay wrapped in each other's arms. We finally lay down and I curl up close against him and manage to fall asleep. I get woken by a nightmare hours later, but Peeta calms me and we are asleep again.

When I wake in the morning, the train is stopped; we are probably in district two picking up Enobaria. I've no clue what I'm going to say to her. I suddenly remember what happened last night and I am filled with sadness again. Peeta deserves so much better than me, he deserves somebody who will give him everything he wants. I sit watching Peeta sleep for a while, until the train starts moving again. Nobody comes to get us, so I don't want to get up. Peeta's eyelids start to flutter and he opens his eyes, seeing me staring at him. He just smiles. This makes me want to cry some more, but his smiles are also infectious and I smile back at him

"I'm sorry" I whisper. He takes my hand and kisses the back of it

"Don't be; it was too soon" he says "How many more stops?" he asks, changing the subject

"We're off to the capitol now, the train just picked up Enobaria in two, and we started moving again about ten minutes ago" I tell him

"Should we... go talk to her?" he asks

"I don't really know. I don't really want to" I say, being honest. We drag out of bed and get dressed anyway. We go into the dining car where everybody... except Enobaria are.

"Where's Enobaria?" Peeta asks.

"There was an... incident" Effie says. Johanna laughs harshly

"She's too good for us" she says. We sit at the table with them and get breakfast

"What does _that_ mean?" I ask

"She thought she was going to have a private train and be waited on at every second. She did not want to be on a train with us. She is going to be picked up by one of the capitol trains" Haymitch says simply

"I think we dodged a bullet" Johanna says. I just have to smile at her. She has such an attitude that I admire. I wish I could be so straight forward about my feelings... I can't help but think about last night. Peeta seems to notice my mood change. He takes my hand under the table. When I look at him, he smiles, but it does not have the desired effect; it just makes me sadder. He deserves so much better. I quickly finish eating and rush back to our room; using the excuse that I need to take a shower. I just sit on the bed with my head in my hands. After a while there is a quiet knock on the door. I don't say anything, but it cracks open a little

"Katniss?" Annie says, poking her head in

"Yeah..." I say

"Peeta wanted me to talk to you" she says hesitantly; I look away. She comes in and shuts the door behind her. She comes over and sits next to me on the bed

"Where's little Finnick?" I ask her, trying to put off the coming conversation

"He's in the other car; with Peeta" she says lightly "You should know that... it's ok to not be ready. Some days, even I'm not ready" I look over at her "I know why you are so reluctant to the idea. There are still days when I can't help but be afraid for Finn's future. I have to remind myself that I don't have to worry like before"

"But he deserves to get what he wants" I whisper, looking away again

"He doesn't know what he wants. It was just an idea to bounce off the wall. He is still recovering himself, which I'm sure you know better than any of us. He is scared, just like you; scared of what he thinks he wants and what he thinks you want" she tells me softly. I feel my eyes water slightly "You need time, and he understands that"

"Thank you, Annie" I say, looking at her once again. She smiles at me

"You might not ever be ready, but it might be a good idea later. It's scary, but beautiful" We hug and she leaves. I decide I do need to take a shower, and do that quickly. When I come out, Peeta is waiting on the bed. He smiles at me

"Hey" he says "We should be in... the capitol by tonight. There will be a big welcoming dinner for us" he says with a slight eye roll. He notices then that I am still standing in the door frame of the bathroom

"Come here" he says lightly. I walk over to him and he grabs me, spinning me around to sit on his lap. From this angle, his lips line up perfectly with mine. "I love you" he whispers in my ear. I turn and kiss him. I'm glad we have gotten over this... whatever it was. I know it will come up again at some point, but hopefully not soon.

We arrive in the capitol and I get a tight knot in my stomach. We'll only be here for two, maybe three days, I tell myself. I have tried to ignore the idea of going to see Prim's monument, but now it sits like a rock in the forefront of my mind. I see Annie and she looks about how I must look.

Plutarch is ecstatic when he sees us. Enobaria arrived about ten minutes ago and we go to dinner, finally seeing Plutarch. He talks about everything that will be in the video, but I'm not listening; I'm only trying to hang onto my sanity. Dinner is huge with many people in the government that I don't know. We get introduced to everybody, but I don't pay attention. Plutarch talks all through dinner and nobody really gets a chance to say anything. I'm glad though, I'm not in the mood to talk. I hold onto Peeta's hand as much as possible, trying to keep my grip. We finish dinner and Plutarch tells us we will be staying here in the president's mansion, it's then that I say my first words all night

"No. I will not stay in this house" I say. Plutarch looks surprised

"Why not?" he asks; I cannot believe him

"She's right; we are not staying here" Peeta says. Plutarch arranges for us to stay somewhere else, along with all of the others except Enobaria. She is more than happy to stay in the house President Snow used to live in. I don't like her. We spend the whole next day in a studio answering question after question after question about how have we been doing? What has happened since we've been home? How is district twelve? Were we excited to see our fellow victors? Don't we feel lucky to have survived the war? It is absolutely exhausting. The next day we are allowed to do what we want. We offer to go with Annie to see Finnick's gravesite; but she want to be alone. We go to the monument where...Prim died. I feel like my heart might explode out of my chest. Peeta holds my hand tight through the ride there. We pull up and I can see the large, beautiful piece of marble. We get out of the car and slowly walk over to it. A smooth side of the marble had writing on it, it reads;

It was here that the last day tragedy occurred. It was the last day of the war; the capitol choose to fill a pen with its own children and then send in bombers, injuring most and killing many. The courageous medics of district thirteen, including the Mockingjay's own sister, Primrose Everdeen, were then killed by another round of bombs, which killed the medics and remaining children. With this monument, we will never forget the heartlessness of the capitol. We thank you for being the martyr we needed to end the war.

Rest In Peace

I stand with silent tears running down my cheeks. I notice the plants next to the marble; primrose bushes

"I insisted that the bushes be planted when I heard they were making this" Haymitch says, walking over. He was seeing Boggs' gravesite. I let go of Peeta's hand and hug Haymitch. Due to habit, Haymitch hesitates a little before hugging me back. I am still crying, but not sobbing like I had expected. I miss her terribly, but the monument is right; the war may not have ended then had they not dropped those bombs. Who knows how many hundreds may have died had it not happened. We spend the whole day seeing the stones and plaques placed around for those who died; Boggs, Leeg, Finnick, and the others of my squad. We go by ourselves one time, but then Plutarch asks if he can record us going around again. we agree, but I'm not sure why. I cry, but not too much. They died for a good cause. We are passing one street and Plutarch points out something I hadn't noticed before, a dent in the stones of the street. I wonder why he said something and then I remember; this is the spot we were when Peeta had one of his episodes and tried to bash my head in with the butt of his gun. I stare at it for a moment while Peeta looks confused.

"Let's go" I say, pulling his hand

"Wait, what is that hole?" he asks, rooting himself in place so I can't pull him away. I take his other hand in mine and pull him, while he stares at the hole. Then his eyes dilate.

"No, no, Peeta its ok" I tell him, stepping a little closer. Both of my hands are still in his, so I decide to use that "Hold onto me Peeta, it's alright, it's not real" I tell him. He squeezes my hands and it hurts, but I barely notice. I look into his eyes and whisper soothing things to him. He finally returns after what feeling like an eternity, but was in reality only a minute or two. I hug him tight. Peeta freezes up a little. I pull away to see what's wrong; it's the camera crew, they recorded the whole thing

"Really!" I say, angry

"Katniss, people wonder a lot about Peeta. I have heard many people worrying about your safety because they don't believe Peeta is stable; I need to show them that he is. That he didn't let the power of Snow get to him" Plutarch says gently

"It's none of their business!" I shout. Peeta takes my hand and turns me to face him

"It's ok" he says. What? "I don't want people believing that I'm still some kind of monster. If this can show them that I can control myself, maybe people won't think that" he says quietly. I place my hand on his jaw

"If that's what you want" I whisper to him. I notice a flashing out of the corner of my eye; they are recording this too. "Really, guys?" I say louder, to the camera men

The next day we are off; doing everything in reverse. Enobaria still refused to ride with us, but that was fine with me. We stopped in district three, dropping off Beetee. I don't know when I'll get to see him again and I'll miss him. Peeta and I both give him a tight hug and say goodbye. I have grown to like Annie and I will really miss little Finnick. I'm glad the problems associated with little Finnick have blown over. Johanna has been difficult this whole time, it's how she is, but I'll miss her insults as well. Finally it's just Peeta, Haymitch, and I on the train. We talk about what this trip has meant for us; Peeta is going to get help rebuilding the bakery! It's going to be amazing; the therapy of making cakes might keep his stress down. I worry about him; we don't have much to stress about, but small things can sometimes bother him.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author note: I am so sorry! I hate to be "that author" who never updates the story, but guys... my life has gone to shit. If I could, I would update EVERY DAY. See, about two weeks ago, my mom and brother and I had to leave my stepdad. He got violent and we just couldn't stay anymore. I am now staying at my grandparents house. They have wifi, but my laptop if super old and will not connect to their wifi for some reason. They are really weird about their computer, so I cant use theirs. I think I have found a way to do it, but it is very complicated. I will update whenever I can. Again, I am so sorry, please stick with me. this had been like a therapy for me and not being able to post the story has been bothering me nonstop. I'm sorry, I hope the story is good**_

We get to district twelve, and Plutarch is true to his word; there are already plans for the bakery. It gets built in a matter of weeks, rather than months. Peeta insisted we call it Primrose Bakery and the sign arrives a week later. When we open, we get more business than we expected and run out of ingredients. Baking stops until we order more and it is then that I invite Greasy Sae to make and sell her soup at the bakery.

I love watching Peeta frost; he gets this amazing look of concentration. Between Peeta frosting, and me watching him; we are both more relaxed. Sleeping is a lot better; I don't have as many nightmares and Peeta assures me that his are better. Haymitch still has geese; something I thought he would have given up long ago. Our lives stay calm and normal for five years until an old ghost comes back to haunt me

"Katniss, we got something in the mail" Peeta tells me, walking into the decorating room. I am frosting white icing on cookies for Peeta to decorate with color later. He tried to teach me how to frost the amazing flowers and things he can do, but it didn't work out. I put down the icing knife I am holding; we almost never get mail. The only mail we get is the occasional letter from our fellow victors, my mother, or even Plutarch when he wants us to do something. I take the envelope from Peeta, expecting to see Annie's name; writing us about little Finnick, he should be starting school soon. But it doesn't say Annie Odair; it says Gale Hawthorn. I look up and see Peeta's face; he looks worried. He knows how I feel about Gale. I'm not sure if I'm still mad at him, but we haven't spoken since that last time when I confronted him about his bomb and Prim. I hesitate for a moment but curiosity gets the better of me. I open it slowly. I start reading the letter

 _Katniss,_

 _I know you probably still hate me, and I can understand that. But I want you to know that I feel terrible everyday because of what happened. I heard that you and Peeta are together and I am so happy for you. I realize now that you love Peeta so much because he understands you in ways I couldn't even try to. I really miss you and wish we were still friends. I know this is kind of weird, but I want you to know that I met someone in district two. She was a soldier in the war and her name is Emerald. She and I have been together now for about four years and we are getting married. This is a huge shot in the dark; but I want you to come to the wedding. I have told Emerald a lot about you and she would love to meet the Mockingjay. If you don't want to talk to me, you don't have to. If you want to come, I'm also sending the information for the wedding. There is an invitation for you and Peeta and I am including one for Haymitch as well. I hope you will come. I know I won't really deserve it if you do, but I would still be happy to see you,_

 _Gale_

I sit silent, thinking about it. I can feel Peeta staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I don't know what to say, so I just hand him the letter. He reads it quickly and then looks at me again

"What do you want to do?" He says

"I... I don't know" I tell him, honestly

"I think he really wants to make amends with you, Katniss" he tells me gently

"I just... need to think about it"

"How about you put away the cookies and icing, I'll close up, and we can go home early" He says. I love him so much. I grin at him

"Ok" we do just what he said and we are walking home when we run into Haymitch. He is carrying a bottle of white liquor. I roll my eyes at him. He doesn't drink anywhere near what he used to, but still enough that he can be an ass sometimes due to the alcohol. He's sober right now though

"Why are you two headed home so early?" He asks us. Peeta looks to me for an answer

"Well it kind of has to do with you" I say. He immediately gets defensive

"Hey, I didn't do anything! I don't think" he says. I have to smile at him

"No you didn't do anything, I hope. I got a letter today from... Gale. He's getting married and he wants us to come to the wedding" I explain. He looks a little confused so I just give him the letter to read. After reading it, he hands it back to me, letting out long low whistle.

"I dunno, sweetheart" he says "But why does he want me there?"

"Because he probably knows I would want you there" I say. He smiles at me

"Well, I think it's up to you" he says. Why does it all have to be on me?

"You don't have to decide right now, the wedding not until... April tenth" Peeta says, checking the invitation

"Ok... I'll think about it" I sit up most of that night, thinking about how I feel about it all. Peeta falls asleep fast and I just lay in bed, playing with his hair. Gale used to be my best friend... someone who made me happy when there wasn't much to be happy about. I miss the days in the woods we used to have together; just two people trying to survive and feed our families. I haven't had to hunt to survive in years, but I hunt for the bakery and Greasy Sae and anybody else who may be struggling. I still miss him sometimes out in the woods. It's about three in the morning when I make my decision and curl next to Peeta, falling asleep not long after that.

I wake up at seven, when Peeta wakes, getting ready to go open the bakery. I should get up and get dressed, but I'm too tired. Peeta comes over to the bed and leans down to kiss my cheek

"Are you coming today? You don't have to, you seem really tired" he whispers in my ear. I roll over to face him

"Peeta... would it bother you if we went to the wedding?" I ask him quietly. He smiles at me

"Yes, you know how terrible I think that idea is" he says sarcastically. I'm too tired to muster up the energy to smack his arm or something

"I was just asking... can you send the RSVP on your way to the bakery?" I ask

"I take it you're not coming?"

"No, I'm sorry" I say. He grins at me

"I would be upset if you tried to come, you really seem exhausted. Of course I'll send it. I love you" he says, kissing me

"I love you too" I tell him as he leaves

The time leading up to wedding goes by super fast. I receive another letter from Gale, which could be considered just a note, that says we have some things we need to discuss so we need to leave for district two a day or two early. I am honestly scared of what may happen. Haymitch doesn't want to come since he never really knew Gale, so he agrees to look after the bakery with Greasy Sae.

The whole train ride is terrible because it gives me a lot of time to think. I think and then over think and then stress. I think Peeta is worried about me.

When we arrive in district two, there is a car waiting for us. It takes us to this very large and beautiful house. When we get out of the car, I latch tightly onto Peeta's hand. The driver gets out and carries our bags for us. We go to the door and Peeta knocks because I can't bring myself to do it. After fifteen seconds, I counted, Gale opens the door.


	10. Chapter 10

He looks... the same. I don't know what I was expecting but he looks just the same as the last time I saw him, except happier. He smiles at us

"Hey, come on in" he says "you can put those over there" he tells the car driver, pointing to a spot in the first room.

"You have a beautiful house" Peeta says.

"Thank you. It was just finished about six months ago" he says. He takes us to the living room and we sit; Gale in a chair, and Peeta and I on a loveseat across from it. "How have you two been, how is twelve doing?"

"So many people have returned. Many houses have been built, a market opened, even a real doctors office opened about four years ago" Peeta tell him

"And you two?"

"Well we opened up a bakery after the victor documentary was filmed"

"That's great" Gale and Peeta continue to talk about various things but I can't bring myself to join in. Its weird hearing them talk like that; like they are the ones who are old friends, and not ex enemies. I also feel like I might explode; he said there were some things we needed to talk about.

"...Katniss?" I tune in when I hear my name

"What?" I say

"I said are you feeling ok?" Peeta tells me

"Yeah, I'm alright I just..." I decide to come right out and say it "What did we need to talk about?" Gale pales a little.

"Right... well there are two things. One of them will have to wait a while but..." he trails off and looks away "I don't want to dig up emotions but... I discovered something about... Prim" he says. I can feel the color drain from my face

"What?" is all I ask

"Well... the government is still searching for people who were on the capitol's side during the war, people who did terrible things... they found the people who were working the hovercraft that day. Only one of them is alive and I spoke to him; I told everybody involved that I needed to speak to anybody who had anything to do with it. The man is the one who dropped the bombs... he said that they were defective, that they weren't supposed to do that. I told him that I had a bomb that did the very thing those bombs did... and he laughed. The sick bastard thought it was funny" Gale looks at the floor or wall the whole time "I was at the man's hearing... he wasn't executed, but he will be serving thirty years in prison..." he still won't look at me. I don't know what to think and I certainly don't know what to say. I stare down at the floor and try to sort out my feelings and I come up with... relief. I feel like a large weight that I didn't know I was carrying was suddenly removed. I stand suddenly and, startled, Gale and Peeta stand as well. I step towards Gale and stand there a moment before wrapping my arms around him. We stand there for a while, holding each other before I remember

"What else did you want to tell me?" I ask. Then I hear the front door open. Gale's eyes widen a little

"Well-" he's cut off by a high pitched voice

"Daddy, Daddy!" Shouts a little girl, about four years old, running into the room. She first looks at Gale, but then notices me. She screams loudly and runs from the room. I turn to Gale with my eyebrows raised

"Um... that's Lily... she is four and a half years old and-" he's cut off again by high pitched yelling

"Mama it's the Mockingjay! She's in our house!" I hear Lily yelling. She shows up at the door again, dragging a young woman with blonde hair and grey eyes into the room.

"Honey, what are you-" She says, and then she notices me. Her eyes double in size and she looks back and forth between Gale and me a few times before saying anything

"You told me she wouldn't be here until tomorrow! I look terrible! The house looks terrible!" she says, freaking out. I don't know what to say or do, so I just stand here. I turn to look at Peeta, but he looks a little lost too. He comes over to stand next to me

"They got here early, you might want to say hi" Gale tells her

"Hi? You want me to say _hi_ to her?" she says, looking at him like he lost his mind "It's like you don't even know who she is!" Lily was still holding her hand, but she lets go and walks over to me. She looks shy

"Are you the Mockingjay?" she asks. I feel my face redden a little

"...yes" I say, reluctantly. She squeals loudly and runs back over to her mother, taking her hand and pulling it. Emerald comes over, hesitantly. I hold my hand out to her. She looks terrified and I don't really understand why. She finally takes my hand and shakes it enthusiastically

"...Hi" she forces out. Her eyes start to water "It's really you" she tells me. Then she looks at Peeta and lets out a small squeal, not unlike her daughter's "And you are Peeta Mellark; Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen in my home!" Gale comes over to her, holding Lily

"Honey, I think you need to calm down, you've got them confused" He tells her. He sits back in the chair with Lily and Emerald sits in the chair next to it. Peeta and I return to the couch

"Hi... I'm Emerald" she says

"You really changed her life, Katniss" Gale tells me. Emerald nods quickly

"Oh my god, where do I start?" she says

"The beginning" I tell her. She smiles hugely at me

"I lived in district one... I was used to love the games, the festivities that came with them, had no problem with them. It was so exciting to watch the games every year. We used to determine who the cool kids were in school by looking at how many entries they had." She stares down at her hands as she speaks "I loved the games until... until your sister was reaped. I hadn't seen many volunteers, and you were so desperate that they wouldn't take her. I started to realize that I was missing something. When you pulled out those berries... I knew that things weren't as great as I thought. When the war started after you blew up the quarter quell arena, I was on the rebel's side but my family on the capitols. They kicked me out and I managed to sneak onto a train to district two. I was here for the battle of the Nut. I was so scared when you were shot... after the war I met Gale. I really liked him, but I was scared to be in a relationship after seeing so many people die in the war, I was afraid to lose somebody after loving them. Then I looked at your relationship with Peeta. He was taken from you, changed beyond recognition, and tried to kill you... but you still loved him. I knew it was ok to love. We were together for a little over a year when I got pregnant with Lily. And then he finally proposed four months ago" she finishes with a wide grin and a side look at Gale.

"Wow" Peeta and I say together

"It's my turn!" says Lily, jumping off of Gales lap. She comes to stand in front of me and Peeta

"My name is Lily Jade Hawthorn!" she proclaims with a large smile " My mama was watching a video when I was three of a girl who was on fire! 'I said mama who is that?' and she said 'that is the mockingjay' and it was then on that I loved the mockingjay. I have seen every video you have been in and I love them all!" she says. I am a little frightened

"She's seen the games?" I ask

"...Yes. We didn't want her to be afraid. We wanted her to understand how things got to be how they are now" Gale says quietly. I nod and try to smile in understanding, but fail. Suddenly Lily throws herself at me and hugs me tightly

"Thank you for being awesome" she says. I do smile now

"You're welcome" I tell her. Peeta laughs and Lily jumps away from me, and throws herself at him. She has her arms wrapped around his neck. He looks surprised at first, but then hugs her back, gently

"Peeta!" Lily squeals. Emerald giggles at her

"I hope you don't mind; she really loves him" she says.


	11. Chapter 11

We talk for hours, until it gets late and Lily has to be put to bed. She stayed latched onto Peeta's neck for an hour before she finally let go. Gale shows Peeta and me to our room. It's about eleven at night, so we all agree it's time to go to bed

"Goodnight" Gale says before leaving

Peeta turns to me and flops down on the bed. I sit on the edge, next to him, and play with his hair

"Lily really likes you" I say, laughing lightly

"Yeah..." He says quietly, looking sad. Oh no; he looks up at me

"Peeta... I know what you are thinking" I say, panicking a little "Please don't"

"Please think about it" he says, sitting up

"Peeta... I can't" I say, my voice thick with emotion

"Katniss..." he whispers. I look away just as a tear slips down my cheek, I quickly wipe it away. I hate having this conversation with him. And we have it almost any time Peeta sees a baby or little kid. I just can't even consider it

"I'm sorry" I whisper, my voice cracking. Peeta placed his hand on my cheek and turns my face towards his just in time to see another tear fall. He wipes it away and kisses me softly

"Someday?" he asks in a whisper so quiet I barely hear it. I look down at the floor

"Maybe" I whisper back

That night I dream about my child being called for the games. She goes in and is killed violently. I wake screaming, but refuse to tell Peeta about it.

The wedding is beautiful. Gale looks amazing and Emerald is stunning. We meet some of Gale's friends and we see Hazel and the kids. I call them the kids, but they aren't kids anymore. Posy is ten and don't even get me started on Rory and Vick. I spend a lot of time talking to them; I've missed them. I'm really sad leaving the next day, but the bakery can't stay closed for much longer. Lily grabs onto my leg and refuses to let go; Gale has to pry her off. Even Emerald is sad to see us going home

"You should visit twelve sometime" Peeta tells them and I nod in agreement. I hug Gale tightly and hug Emerald back when she grabs me.

That night we are lying, wrapped in each other's arms when I get an idea. I still feel bad about not giving Peeta what he wants, but I want him to understand that I still love him. I sit up a little and look over at him

"What?" he asks. I lean over and kiss him softly, lingering

"Peeta... will you marry me?" I whisper to him. He jerks back so he can look at me

"What?" I smile at him and repeat myself

"Will you marry me? Not with a big wedding or anything, but do the toasting with me" I ask him. He stares at me for a moment before smiling. His eyes look a little watery, but mine are to. He grabs me and hugs me tight against him

"Of course" he whispers. He understands why I don't want a wedding; Plutarch will make into this huge thing and record it all. I can see the headlines now; _The Mockingjay Gets Married; Not so Star-crossed Anymore._ So we go over to the small fireplace on the other side of the room and work together to build a small fire. We order a simple loaf of bread from a server and we toast it lightly. We sit in front of the fire, facing each other and smiling and holding a small piece of toasted bread

"Katniss Everdeen... will you be my wife? Will you love me and care for me forever?" Peeta says softly. I feel a tear slip down my cheek

"Of course" I whisper "Peeta Mellark... will you be my husband? Will you love me and protect for all time?"

"Always" he whispers to me. We twist our arms together and feed each other the bread. Then I hug Peeta tightly and cry against his shoulder

"I love you so much" I tell him

"I love you so much more" he says back


	12. Chapter 12

_**Sorry, short chapter**_

When we get back to twelve, a few people ask Peeta about the bakery, so he goes to open it. I go to check on Haymitch. I go to his house and knock on the door; I don't wait for an answer, just come in. I find him sitting on the couch in the living room, watching something on TV. I come over and sit next to him.

"Well, how did it go?" he says without even glancing at me

"He found out who was responsible for Prim's death, his wife is a huge fan of the mockingjay, the wedding was beautiful, and they have a four year old daughter" I say, all in one breath. Haymitch turns off the TV

"What?" he says. So I explain everything to him, like Gale did for me. He sits back and lets out a loud breath

"Wow"

"Yeah" I say. I think about what happened after we met Lily. I don't know what to do or think. I feel a tear crawl down my face

"Why are you crying?" Haymitch asks quietly. This just makes me cry harder. He wraps an arm around my shoulders

"I can't give Peeta what he wants! After seeing Lily he...he keeps bringing it up but I just... I just can't" I say

"I get it. I'm sure Peeta does too. You need time, and it's ok if you aren't ready. Lord knows I'll never be ready" he says

"That's what I'm afraid of; that I'll never be ready and Peeta will hate me"

"That boy could never hate you... you just need time" he says. I nod, knowing he's right. I decide I can trust Haymitch with mine and Peeta's secret

"Peeta and I did the toasting with each other" I say softly. His eyes double in size

"Excuse me?" he says. He knows what I'm talking about, he was a seam boy

"Yeah... I wanted him to know how much I love him so... we did the toasting"

"Wow... I'm so proud of you two" he says, almost to himself. I feel my eyes watering again. I go over to him and hug him

"I love you too, Haymitch" I whisper to him. He takes a deep breath and I can tell he's trying not to cry. I leave him to fight with his feelings and go home.


	13. Chapter 13

Time jump

Time. Such a short word for what it represents. Many things can happen with time. People get older with time. They get married. They die. People get new ideas with time. They change their minds with time. _Ten years_ is a lot of time, and a lot of changes. I think now about all of the changes. All of the people who had moved out of twelve after the bombing have returned. Thom became mayor of district twelve. We got a new President, though I don't care; I'm not interested in politics. I only care about my friends. Gale, Emerald, and Lily visit every few months. Annie and Little Finnick just left the other day. That is what had me thinking about time. I can't wait much longer. I want Peeta to be happy. It could make me happy. Annie and I had a long talk about it while Peeta was at the bakery. Little Finn makes her happy even on her worse days. I need more to do all day; I just don't have a place at the bakery. I think about the fights we have had about it; we don't fight about much else. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, and a tear escapes with it. I glance at the clock; Peeta should be home in a few minutes. How will I tell him? What will he say? What will come next? I keep thinking about these things until I hear the door open. I stay glued to my seat on the couch. Another tear falls

"Katniss?" Peeta says, glancing into the room "Hey, there you are; what's wrong?" he says, immediately looking concerned. I pat the seat next to me and he comes over, sitting and taking my hand

"Peeta" I say, my lower lip trembling "I'm ready" I can only manage a whisper. His eyes widen; he knows what I'm talking about without my having to say it.

"Are you sure?" he says, not wanting to get his hopes up. I hesitate, but then nod.

I don't want to tell anybody what we are trying to do. I try not to think about it too much, but think about it constantly at the same time. I don't sleep well, having more nightmares. Peeta is worried about me, but excited about the possibilities I have finally presented. I am helping at the bakery one day, frosting white on cookies; still the only thing I'm good for here. I get a weird feeling in my stomach and stop for a minute. I feel it again and I can feel the color drain from my face. Peeta walks into the room

"What's wrong?" He asks, coming over to me. I can't bring myself to say it

"I... I'm just really tired" I lie

"You haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately, why don't you go home and lay down?" he tells me. I nod numbly and leave. I don't really remember getting home; I just remember finding myself sitting on the couch. I sit still for a few minutes and start to calm until I feel it again. I place my hand gently on my stomach and I can deny it no longer. I cry. I cry more than I have cried in a while. I sit in the floor and cry every tear that could be in my body. I try to figure out how to tell Peeta, and then I cry some more. I haven't been this scared in years. I sit on the couch trembling until Peeta comes home

"Katniss I'm home" Peeta calls out. He walks past the living room, but then backtracks when he notices me "Hey I thought you would be in bed... what's wrong?" he says. I've started crying again. The kicking started again when he started talking; it likes his voice already. He comes over and sits next to me, taking my hands in his. "What's wrong?" he asks again in almost a whisper. I still can't get myself to say it, so I take his hand and press it against my stomach where the kicking is still going on. He stares at his hand for a while, before looking up at me, eyes wide.

"Katniss?" he says. More tears fall "Hey, it'll be okay" he wraps his arms around my and holds me tight against him

"I'm scared" I manage to say quietly

"I know"

The next few months are... hell. I am terrified every day, thinking about the future. Terrible nightmares continue to invade my sleep. Haymitch is excited, but he understands my fear more than anybody. I talk with Annie a lot, mostly over the phone because Little Finnick had school. My mother is on the first train to twelve when we tell her. Gale and Emerald come to see me, along with Lily. Apparently Lily refused to go to school until she got to come and see me. Emerald blames me for being her inspiration to rebel.

I'm walking to the bakery with Haymitch when it happens. Of course he freaks out and doesn't know what to do. I yell at him to go get my mother. She told me I shouldn't be walking around, but hopefully I won't get too much crap from her. My mother and Haymitch show up and help me get back to the house; there has been a temporary bed set up in the living room for almost a month now for this very reason. My mother sends Haymitch back out, to get Peeta

"I'm not the damn messenger boy" he says, but I can tell he's worried and happy to leave. Within ten minutes they are back, a new record. I don't remember much about it. I know it felt like an eternity, but was actually three hours. Peeta was hoping we would go to a hospital, maybe in the capitol, but that wasn't possible. It's unlike anything I have ever felt before and I am so terrified. The fear starts to melt when I hear the scream.

"It's a girl!" I sigh and lay my head back, breathing heavy. My mother comes over, carrying the blanket wrapped bundle, smiling. She places her gently in my arms. I look down at her, and the fear is gone. I thought that the fear and terror that consumed me would ever go away... but just looking into her beautiful blue eyes makes it go away in an instant. Peeta comes up next to me

"She's beautiful" he whispers, kissing my head. I nod in agreement.

"What are you going to name her?" my mother asks a huge smile still on her face. I look at Peeta

"Periwinkle?" I say. He smiles and nods

"...Yes, Periwinkle Primrose Mellark" he says softly. I smile and kiss him

"I love you" My mother takes Peri to clean her up and I fall asleep. I wake hours later and find myself cleaned up and Peeta in the rocking chair holding Periwinkle. I smile and stare at him until he notices me; he doesn't say anything, just smiles back at me

"Is she asleep?" I whisper. He nods "Where did Haymitch and my mother go?"

"Haymitch is asleep in one of the extra rooms and you mother is asleep on the couch; refused to leave the room" he says quietly. That sounds like my mother. I look at the clock; it's one in the morning

"Have you slept?" I ask him

"A little bit" he's lying

"You go to sleep, I'll hold her" I say, holding out my arms. Peeta gently moves her into my arms, but doesn't leave

"I'm staying right here" he tells me. I know better than to argue. He does eventually fall asleep, though. I sit and take turns staring at my Peeta and Periwinkle.

 _Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

 _A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

 _Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

 _And when again they open, the sun will rise_

 _Here it's safe, here it's warm_

 _Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

 _Here your dreams and sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

"Sing it again" Peri says quietly. I smile at her and glace at her sleeping brother

"Not tonight, baby" I tell her. I kiss her on her forehead and stand

"I love you mama" she whispers

"I love you too" I shut the door slowly. I go to my room and find Peeta sitting on the bed. He smiles at me; he could hear me singing

"You have such a beautiful voice" he tells me. I think I blush a little.

"Peeta, do you remember when you said you first fell in love with me?" I ask him. He grins at me

"Of course; It was the first day of kindergarten, your hair was in two braids instead of one..." he trails off and I think about how I always do Peri's hair in two braids. I lean over and kiss him softly

"I love you so much" I tell him

"I love you too, but why did you ask?"

"I was thinking we should take the kids to the meadow... I want them to see it" I tell him. He smiles and I can tell he's thinking about the first time I took him out to the meadow. It was many years ago, but one of my best memories. It was a beautiful spring day and I told him I wanted to show him something and brought him to the meadow, making sure he kept his eyes shut the whole time. Everything was in bloom and beautiful. While we blew dandelion seeds around, I told him about how much he made dandelions mean to me, how they and he changed my life. I also named every flower I saw, and told him my favorites; lilac, dandelions, lilies, and obviously primrose and periwinkle. We spent an entire day there, just sitting and talking. I know that Peri will love the flowers and Andy will love the butterflies and colors. I can't believe he's three already and Peri... I try to ignore the fact that she just turned eight a couple of months ago.

"That sounds amazing, I'm surprised you haven't taken them sooner" Peeta says

"I know... we can bring a lunch and spend a whole day" I tell him. He smiles

"If that's the case, we need to get some sleep" He's right. Like always, Peeta's strong arms help me sleep and keep the ever present nightmares away.

I do the same thing I did to Peeta, not letting Periwinkle or Andy look as we walk towards the meadow. I am carrying Andy and Peeta has Peri. When we get there, I set Andy next to a large clump of dandelions, letting him feel them

"Fluffy" he says, excited

"What is it?" Peri says, getting antsy. I move my hands from Andy's eyes and Peeta does the same for Peri. She gasps softly

"It's so pretty!" she says, immediately running out through the flowers. I smile at her and then look down to Andy. He is still sitting where I put him, looking at the dandelions. I pick one, sit next to him, and then blow the seeds off and towards him. He tries to catch them and laughs when he is unable. He seems to realize then that his sister is gone, and runs to catch up to her. I walk hand in hand with Peeta after them, smiling at what I thought would never be possible for me. Of course, I still have nightmares, mostly about Peri or Andy getting called to the games. But I simply go to their room and hold them, and tell myself everything I know to be true. It always starts with my name is _Katniss Everdeen- Mellark_ , and ends with _I will never let anybody hurt my family._ It's been the same for years, but always helps. I think my life is perfect, and that scares me at times, but I know it will be okay. At least, I think it will be, but some days I still have my doubts. Like the day Periwinkle brings home a permission slip... to learn about the games.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Author note: I do have a lot more to the story. I'm not sure how far I want to go with it, but I do want to explore Katniss and Peeta's, along with the kids', reactions to several things. I don't want to give anything away but in the Hunger Games, as we all know, death is a huge plot element. Another thing; who is catching my thing with the names? Review the names you catch and your guess on which district they are from.**_

 _ **About my stepdad; I am physically fine. Emotionally; not so much. This is the second time in my life that I have gone through this, so it is a bit much. He was drunk, so that may answer a lot of questions. I have another story up; it's called Victors in Dauntless, so check that out. As you can maybe guess, it's a Hunger Games/Divergent crossover**_

I wait at the entrance to the victors village for the school bus. It rounds the corner and I smile. Periwinkle and Andy rush off the bus and over to me, where I give them a big hug each. As we walk home, Peri starts going through her bag and pulls out a piece of paper and an envelope

"You have to sign this paper" she says, handing me the paper. I read it and feel the color drain from my face.

"Mama, are you okay?" Andy asks, taking my hand

"Um... Yes, baby, I'm okay" I try to ignore the paper until Peeta gets home "Do... do you have any homework?" Andy looks down and doesn't answer me "Andy..."

"Yeah"

"And Peri?" she does the same, looking down. I don't know where they got that from

"Well when we get to the house, you both need to go to the kitchen table and get it done, okay?" I tell them. They still don't look at me "Maybe if you get it done quickly, we'll go see Daddy at the bakery" that gets their attention. The basically run the rest of the way to the house, with me lingering behind them. I go to fold up the paper, and then remember the envelope; I don't even want to open it. I choose to wait for Peeta to open it. They get their homework don't in less than ten minutes, a new record, but when I look over it I send them back to redo half of it. All the while, I think about what to do. Of course, I knew they would someday find out. Would it be better to tell them myself, or let a teacher do it? I wonder how in depth they will go about it. They will most likely go over the remaining victors. That would mean revealing that me and Peeta, as well as Annie and Haymitch, have murdered someone before. How would they react? They both adore Haymitch...

They both finish their homework with satisfying answers and we start off toward the bakery. I keep an eye on them, but my mind still wanders. Would they think differently of Haymitch, knowing he was in the games? I tell them every time we see him that they are the only reason he is alive. Haymitch stopped drinking forever the day Periwinkle said 'Haymie'. Now they call him Papa Haymitch. They love helping him with the geese, as well. I'm sure, without them, he would have gotten rid of the geese long ago, seeing as he is nearing seventy.

I am so lost; I almost don't notice we arrive at the bakery. Peri squeals and runs for the door, Andy not far behind her. When I get inside, Peri and Andy are already stamping out shapes with the cookie cutters into some dough. Peeta watches them, smiling. I walk over to him and take his hand, startling him

"Sorry" I tell him

"It's ok" he says, kissing me "What's wrong?" he asks, immediately reading my mood; I look down

"Um... can we talk in the other room?" I ask, seeing as the kids are busy

"Sure" he seems worried. We walk to his office where he orders merchandise and designs cakes but does little else "What's wrong?" he asks again, shutting the door. I bite my lip and hand him the papers. He skim reads them quickly and I can see the color fade from his face

"What... What's in the envelope?" he says, pointing to it in my hand

"Oh, I don't know... I didn't open it" I open it now, quickly reading over it. I almost drop the paper and step back, holding my hand over my mouth. I feel sick

"What-" Is all Peeta gets out before I thrust the paper towards him. He takes it and reads it silently. We are both at a loss for words

 _To Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark,_

 _I am your child, Periwinkle's, teacher. At this point in the year, we are going to teach the children about the hunger games. I know that you were both in the hunger games and the war that ended them. It would be an amazing honor if you could come into the classroom and tell the kids some about what you have endured. Of course, you can say no, but know that many of the teachers in the school would be ecstatic to meet you both. A few teachers even fought in the war. Think about it and contact me when you reach a decision_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Coral Highwater_

I couldn't possibly do that. Peeta comes over and wraps his arms around me.

"We don't have to do it" he tells me softly

"But it could help them understand" I say quietly. I feel so conflicted! "And what are we going to do about her learning about the games?" he seems to think about it for a while

"We could explain the basics to her, and then tell her our involvement. She would learn the technicalities about the games from her teacher and the... significance from us" he says. I think about it

"Yeah... that would probably be best but... explaining what we have done" I feel a tear fall and Peeta wipes it away

"We knew this would come eventually" he whispers. I nod and feel more tears fall.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Please review my story! Please, I get really nervous and scared to post new chapters if I don't know that people are reading it and like it. Please review**_ __

The kids finish cutting the cookies and Peeta bakes them. He promises them that they can ice them tomorrow if they are good. We all leave the bakery together, with my mind going a thousand thoughts a minute. We eat dinner in mostly silence and then we send the kids to get ready for bed. I ask Peri to come with me to our room, while Peeta argues with Andy about why she gets to stay up and not him. Peeta finally joins us and we sit silent for a little while

"Am I in trouble?" Periwinkle says, looking worried

"No, honey... you know those papers you brought home today?"

"About the hunger games?"

"Yes... well we are going to explain what they were" I tell her, and then look to Peeta. I don't even know where to start

"A long time ago, the country was run by a very bad government" He starts "The people tried to rebel against the government, and the government didn't like that. They thought the people should be punished for rebelling" Peri raises her hand, like she's in school

"What's rebelling?" she asks quietly

"It's when you go against something. Like when I tell you it's time to do your homework and you say no" I tell her. She blushes a little bit

"Ok"

"Well... the punishment was the hunger games. Two children from every district were chosen to be put into an arena and fight" She looks a little confused

"They were the age twelve to eighteen, which is why you are learning about them now. Two from each district meant twenty four kids, sent to fight... "

"Fight for what?" she asks

"Fight for life. These kids were forced to kill one another until only one was left" I say softly. Her eyes seem to triple in size. "If you won, you got to be a victor. You know how we live in the victors village?" she nods "Well, victors got one of these big houses and a lot of money"

"Well why do we live here then?" she asks. I can't answer

"Well, honey, a lot of people moved in when there weren't as many homes. But mama and I... we are victors" Peeta tells her softly. She sits silent, until the realization dawns on her

"That means-"

"Yes, baby" Peeta cuts her off before she can say it.

"Who else are victors?"

"Annie, Johanna, and... Haymitch" Peeta says, his voice shaking

"Finnicks mom? Aunt Johanna?... Papa?" she says, her eyes watering a little

"Yes, baby... I'm so sorry" I tell her

"But... what happened?" she asks. I look at her, confused "They don't have the hunger games anymore, what happened to them?

"Well... when Mama and I were younger, the people rebelled again, but they won this time. It ended the games and got the new, better government we have today... Mama was actually the one who led the rebellion" Peeta tells her

"What?" she says, surprised.

"Yes, I'm sure you'll learn more about it in school" I tell her, not wanting to talk about it myself

"So you've all killed someone?" she asks suddenly

"We all had to, it was self defense. Do you remember when we taught you about that?" Peeta tells her. She should remember. A couple of years ago, she had a bully who would kick her every day. We told her she needed to use self defense. She nods and comes over to us, hugging us both at the same time

"I'm sorry you had to do that" she whispers to us. And that's when the dam breaks and I start crying with no control. When I get control, Peeta and I take turns answering any remaining questions she has. Then I think that it would be best to ask her opinion on the matter

"Would you like for me and Daddy to speak in your classroom about the games?"I ask her, hesitantly. She thinks about it for a bit and then nods

"Yes! My teacher is excited to teach about the war. She says she really liked someone called the mockingjay, who helped out a lot in the war" I freeze and try to figure out what to say, Peri and Andy know about the war, having learned about it in school very soon. Peeta leans over to her and whispers

"Remember how I said mama led the rebellion?" he says. She gasps when she puts the pieces together

"Were you the Mockingjay?" she asks, excitedly

"...Yes" I tell her, hesitantly

"That is so cool! There are a lot of kids and teachers who talk about you!" she says. I'm surprised

"Well, then, Honey, we might just go to your school" I tell her. She gets all excited again and then yawns loudly. It's way past her bedtime

"You need to go to bed" Peeta tells her, taking her hand. She pulls away and gives me a hug

"I love you"

"I love you too" I tell her, and then Peeta takes her to bed. When he comes back, I am laying flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling

"It'll be okay" he tells me

"I... know" I tell him. Needless to say, it's a long night for both of us


	16. Chapter 16

We write and send the confirmation letter. They want us to come in at the end of the week, after they have time to explain the most important things to the kids. The suspense threatens to break me, to make me run to the school and tell them off and to forget all about it. But I keep it together and don't freak out too much. I do have a lot more nightmares, though. Peeta, obviously, notices but doesn't say anything because I know he has nightmares just as bad and I don't say anything. On Friday morning, I get up and get dressed, like the kids. Andy still doesn't really understand what's going on, but Peeta and I agreed it was better to start with Peri and then ask her opinion about how her brother should learn about it all. We take the kids to school, and walk in with them. This is the first time I have ever seen the school on the inside. When the kids enrolled, they sent all of the information to us to fill out. When we walk in, we are surprised to see a small crowd of who must be staff members waiting to greet us. A few of them look overly excited and worried at the same time. One of them steps forward

"...Hi... I-I'm Periwinkle's teacher, Coral" she says, holding out her hand. I shake it, and then Peeta does. She is smiling so widely, it must hurt her face "The room- the room's this way" she says, motioning with her arm. We follow her to the room with Peri while Andy goes to his classroom and we get a lot of different looks from everybody who sees us. When we walk into the room, several more adults are there. I don't know who these people are

"I'm so sorry, but I send out a letter saying that you were coming and several parents wanted to come and hear you speak, is that okay?" she says, looking worried. I look at Peeta, worried, but

"That'll be fine" he says. We are showed to two seats at the front of the room, but don't sit. Soon the bell rings and students file in, taking their seats; Peri's seat in right up front; fantastic. The parents sit in chairs behind the students and wait quietly, staring at us. I do not want to do this.

"Welcome everybody, today. As I told you earlier this week, we have guests today!" Coral starts. She walks over to us and stands next to me "This is Katniss Everdeen, who remembers who she is?" she asks. A kid in the back raises his hand and she calls on him

"She's the Mockingjay!" the kid says, sounding excited

"That's right! And this is Peeta Mellark, who remembers who he is?" she calls on another kid who raises his hand

"He was her district partner in the games and fought in the war" he says

"Yes, that's right. They would like to tell us some about their experiences in the games and why we need to remember them. Can we give them a round of applause?" she steps away and claps, as the rest of the kids, and even some of the adults join in. I must be bright red in the face. I expect Peeta to speak first, but for once he seems to be at a loss for words. He opens his mouth a couple of times, but no words come out

"Um... Hello" I say "To start, does anybody have any questions?" Is all I can think to say. a little girl raises her hand and I point to her

"Yes?"

"My mama says you two were called star crossed lovers... what does that mean?" she says. I look over at Carol, as if to ask her if it's okay to answer a question like that. She nods, excited

"Well... star crossed means forbidden. We weren't allowed to love because we both had the possibility of dying at any moment in the games" it's super quiet in the room. "Does that answer your question?" she nods and looks down "Anymore questions?"

"So why aren't you dead?" one boy asks. I have to admire his candor. I take a deep breath and decide to just explain it

"Well... our love was very popular in the capitol. The people in charge of the games made a rule change that said two victors may be crowed if they both originated from the same district. So I found Peeta"

"That was nice of the Capitol" a little girl says

"No... I found him and he was almost dead. I helped make him better and we managed to do it; we... beat the others and were the last two standing. Until they recalled the rule change" some of the kids gasp "They told us that only one victor would be crowned so that Peeta would kill me... or that I would kill him" I say softly "Who knows what suicide is?"

"It's killing yourself" a little boy says quietly

"Exactly. I had some poisoned berries and we threatened to eat them unless they allowed us both to win" I look to Periwinkle, who we didn't tell this part to. Her eyes are shiny with tears. I want to comfort her, but I can't. "They allowed us to both be victors... but they were angry with us. Some people thought what we did was an act of defiance; going against the government. Any more questions?"

"Ms. Coral said you were in two games" a boy says

"Yes... because the capitol was angry with us... they wanted us to die. We had caused a lot of rebellion in other districts and the capitol wanted to get rid of us, and even other victors to show they still had power over us. The year after we won was a year for a quarter quell. Does anybody know what a quarter quell was?" I ask, trying to be a little like Coral. She smiles at me. I notice Peeta still hasn't said anything, but just stares forward

"A quarter is twenty five" a girl says

"Yes, well, a quarter quell was held every twenty five years. There was some new twist to the games. The first quell... people of the district had to vote in the tributes. The second quell... they required twice as many tributes. That was the year another victor from twelve won; Haymitch Abernathy" I see Peri pale a little, we never talked much about Haymitch or his games "And for the third quell, they took tributes from the victors in each district. I was the only female victor, so I had no choice in returning to the games. Peeta... volunteered for Haymitch. Question?"

"How did you get out?" a boy asks. I think for a moment, feeling a little shaky for a moment, talking about all this, but Peeta seems to be barely hanging on. He doesn't have flashbacks often anymore. Actually, it's quite rare that he has one, especially around the kids; but talking about these things is making it hard, so I continue

"During this time, it was not known that District thirteen was still alive. It was believed to had been destroyed in the first rebellion. District thirteen made a plan to get us out of the arena" my voice catches when I say _us_. I know they only really planned to get me out, and they didn't get Peeta. There is a long bout of silence until a little boy raises his hand

"I heard my mom talking about you one day. She said there was a time when he tried to kill you" he says very matter-of-factly

"You shut up!" Peri shouts at him

"Periwinkle!" she turns red when I yell at her. I look to Peeta and his eyes are shut


	17. Chapter 17

"I... I'm gonna... gonna go sit in the hallway for a minute" he says, heading for the door. I see his hands shaking and his eyes have gotten a shade darker; I let him go and then look back to the little boy. He seems now to notice his mistake. I take a deep breath and try to figure out how to explain this

"Um... who knows who Cornelius Snow was?" none of the kids know. I turn to Coral

"We haven't gotten to talk about him yet, but please, tell them" she says

"Cornelius Snow was President of Panem. He was a cold, heartless man. He only cared about power, and being in charge. When I went against his wishes for either Peeta or me to die in the arena, he got very angry and wanted me dead" I hear a soft gasp from Peri "the quarter quell was his opportunity to have me killed. When District thirteen took me from the arena... they didn't have time to get Peeta as well, so Snow did. Snow did terrible things to him. Who here has ever been stung by a tracker jacker?" two kids raise their hands "Tell me about it" I say to the girl who raised her hand

"It... it was awful. It hurt really bad; I saw things that weren't there, scary things. I had nightmares about the things I saw for a year after" she says, with tears in her eyes. Then the boy who raised his hand spoke

"Me too; I saw everything I'm scared of... I still have nightmares" he looks down

"That's what tracker jacker venom does; it targets the part of your brain where fear is. Your worst nightmares and fears come to life when you are stung by one, I would know; I was stung multiple times in my first games. That is what Snow did to Peeta" several kids gasp and even a couple of the parents. This wasn't really common knowledge; what exactly happened to Peeta "They injected him with tracker jacker venom and showed him video and pictures of me so he would associate fear with me. He became terrified of me, so much that he saw me as a threat to his life. Yes... Peeta tried to kill me... it was self defense... but he was able to get through it. Nobody believed that he would ever be the boy I fell in love with ever again. They all believed that he would have to be locked away for the rest of his life... but obviously he isn't. He was able to overcome the bad things that they did to his mind. And now we have a family together because he loves me" I tell them, my eyes watering. Peri is crying. The little boy who asked is pale and looks like he might cry too. Then the door opens and Peeta comes in, tears in his eyes as well; I guess he heard. He comes over to me and takes my hand

"Any more questions?" I ask when I find my voice again. One little girl looks like she wants to say something, but seems to scared to say something. I go over to her desk "You can ask me, it'll be okay" I tell her softly. She looks up at me

"I heard before that your love was fake" she says quietly. Peri sits next to her, and she gives her a dirty look

"Peri" I say softly. I go back to the front of the room. I look to Peeta and he nods a little. I take a deep breath "That is true" Peri lets out a small sob. I go to her and hold her hand. I speak to her, but loud enough for everybody to hear. Peeta comes over as well

"In the games, people did what they had to, to survive. I thought when Peeta said he loved me, that that was a strategy to earn sponsors. I didn't know he really loved me until they made the rule change and I found him. We stayed in a cave and he told me a story. I knew after the games that he really did love me. but I was too afraid to love him back. I realized that I loved him after the victory tour, after he told me we could start as friends wait to see if we became more. Then we were forced into the games again and I was scared to lose him. I didn't want to admit that I loved him because I was scared I was going to lose him; and I did; but he made his way back to me and I do love him now" the silence in the room in deafening. I see one of the parents has started crying. A little girl in the back of the room raises her hand

"I hope one day I can love somebody like you two do" she says. I feel a tear fall down my cheek. Then a bell goes off

"Ok, everybody, time for lunch" Coral says, herding the kids out of the room. Peri is a little reluctant to leave, but we get her to go. Coral comes over to us after the last kid leaves

"I'm sorry if any of them said anything... offensive. A few of the parents were hoping to speak to you now"

"It's fine" I tell her. We go over to the group of parents and they seem nervous

"Are...Are you okay... Peeta?" one woman asks "That was my son... I'm sorry if he upset you" Peeta closes his eyes for a second before he opens them and answers

"Yes I'm... fine" he tells her. She looks relieved

"I just have to say, you two are amazing and it's an honor to be here, just listening to you" one man says. I am about to respond when the door to the classroom opens and a small group of people come in. Coral tells us that they are staff members. We spend the rest of the lunch period talking to everybody. I hold Peeta's hand the whole time, because I know he's not okay; regardless of what he told that woman

When the kids get back from lunch, Peri grabs us and won't let go. She begs us to take her home, and we do, along with Andy; we have a lot to talk about. Andy seems confused about why we took him out of school early and his sister is so upset. We tell them to sit on the couch and I pull Peeta into our room for a minute

"Peeta..."

"I haven't been that close since... since Peri was born" He says, sitting on the bed and looking at the floor. I kneel down in front of him

"Peeta... I know that was hard for me... but I can't imagine what it must have been like for you" I tell him, taking his hands in mine

"She's going to ask about it... I know it... and I can't..." he shakes his head

"You don't have to talk about it. I'll tell them" I offer, even though I dread the idea of doing it alone

"No, you can't do that and tell Andy about the games" He says. I suddenly get an idea

"What about Lily?" I say, and Peeta finally looks at me "She has known about the games most of her life; she might know how to best tell them about it. She can talk to them about the games and I will tell them about... you" I suggest

"I don't know"

"They adore Lily and I think she could really related with them" I say

"She's almost twenty" he reminds me

"I know, but I mean... the next generation..." He thinks about it

"Ok... it'll take a while to get here" he says. I nod in agreement and go to the phone

"Hey Catnip, what's up?" Gale answers the phone

"Well...Peeta and I went to the kids' school this morning... we went to Periwinkle's class and... talked about the games" I tell him

"How did it go?" he asks. He knows how reluctant I was about my children finding out about the games

"It was... awful. Peeta was... Peri thinks it would be better if we told Andy about the games before he learned about them in school. I was thinking it might be better if they had somebody they could relate to better tell them more about the games. Like Lily"

"Oh... well I don't know. I'll ask her, or you can do it" he says. I hear noises and then Gale's muffled voice "Lily! Katniss is on the phone! Come talk to her!" he yells "Sorry, she still acts like a bit of a teenager, she's coming" he says

"Katniss?" Lily says, taking the phone

"Hey Lily, I wanted to ask for a favor" I tell her

"Sure, anything Katniss" she tells me

"Could you come to twelve... and talk to the kids about the games? I think you may be more capable than me or Peeta"

"Of course!" She says "I haven't been over in a while and I have wanted to get out of here for a few days"

"That's great; when can you get here?" I ask her

"I'll get a bag ready now and I should be there tomorrow morning" she tells me. We say goodbye and hang up. Peeta and I go back to the living room and tell Peri and Andy that Lily is coming over and they are going to talk about the games. Andy asks what I'm talking about, but I tell him that he will find out tomorrow

"We have something more important to talk about right now" I tell them. I see Peeta pale a little "Peeta, please go in the other room"

"No...I-I have to be here" he tells me, sitting in the chair next to the couch. I sigh and sit on the couch next to the kids, angling my body to face them

"Mama are we gonna talk about what Sterling said?" Peri asks me, her voice shaking

"I think so, honey. Um..." I look at Peeta, but he is looking at the floor

"Do you remember how sometimes daddy gets really upset?" I ask them

"When he grabs the chair or the counter?" Andy asks

"Yes; and do you remember how Daddy told you to stay away from him when he feels like that?" they both nod and Peri already looks like she is going to cry "A long time ago, a very bad man did terrible things to Daddy" I tell them gently. Andy immediately looks angry; he got my temper and fight.

"Do you remember tracker jackers? What do I tell you about tracker jackers when we go to the woods?"

"To stay away from them; they have golden bodies and they are very big. If we get stung, bad things will happen" Andy says, but Periwinkle stays quiet

"Yes... tracker jackers make you see terrible things, things that aren't real. They make you believe that these bad things are real" I try to explain it in a way that they will both understand "a long time ago, a bad man put tracker jacker venom into Daddy... a lot of it" I tell them. Peri's tears have started to fall and Andy gasps softly. I hear Peeta take a deep breath, but I don't look at him "They made Daddy forget that he loved me. They made him think I was dangerous"

"You're not dangerous!" Andy says. I want to cry so badly, but I take a breath and force them away

"They made Daddy do things that he wouldn't have done before... bad things. But I promise he got better a long time ago"

"What kind of bad things?" Andy asks, looking worried

"It doesn't matter because those things are never going to happen again. I promise that Daddy loves you and will never do anything to hurt you" I tell them. I remember once when Peri was only a couple of months old, Peeta had a flashback and the only thing near him was Peri's crib. He grabbed it and accidently shook it, scaring Peri. When he came out of it, he was freaked out and refused to hold her for a week. He is still scared that he will hurt me or the kids, even though I assure him that I know he would never do that, highjacked or not.

Andy gets off the couch and goes over to Peeta. Peeta hesitates before looking at him. Andy climbs onto Peeta's lap and sits there with his arms wrapped around him. Peri jumps up and goes over there too, wrapping her arms around his from the other side and Peeta hugs them close

"We know you'd never hurt us" Peri tells him

"Yeah, it's not your fault they did bad things to you. I'm sorry it happened" Andy tells him. I watch them while the tears finally escape my eyes. Andy is only seven and Peri is only twelve but they seem so much older at times.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Ok am very sorry that I have so much time in between my postings, but doing this is really hard right now. My stepdad has a warrant out on him right now and my stress is at an all time high. Normally, I would write to feel better, but I just started my senior year of high school and I don't have much time to write. I spend most nights sleeping on the couch next to my brother at my grandparents house while my mom works third shift. This story will not be much longer, but I do have another story up called Victors in Dauntless, so check that out. I have a Frozen/ Rise of the Guardians story that I have been working on, but I don't know when it will get posted. Review whether or not you would want to see something like that. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review this story or any of my stories that you may read! I would feel a lot more confident in writing if I knew what people thought about it. If you want (not sure why you would want to) you can contact me at my email laurynelizabeth7091 or I have kik so you can kik me at Les7091. Thank you so much for reading**_ __

After we get the kids into bed, I decide I need a shower to try and relieve some of the stress that has accumulated over the day. When I come out of the bathroom, I see Peeta sitting on the bed with his head braced between his hands. I walk towards his slowly

"Peeta?" I say softly, once I am within a foot of him

"Please go in the other room" he says, his voice deeper than usual. I kneel down in front of him

"You should know by now that I am not going anywhere" I tell him quietly. I don't touch him, because I know that will upset him "Please look at me" I say softly. He shakes his head and seems so squeeze it tighter with his hands. I know he trying to prevent it from happening, but I know that it will be over quicker if he would just let it happen

"Look at me" I tell him again, a little more firm. His closes his eyes tight before opening them again and glancing at me quickly. It's enough, though, to allow me to see that his eyes are already a few shades darker. I gently put my hands on his and try to pull them away from his head. He hesitates, but then lets me pull them away. I hold his hands in mine and feel how badly they are shaking. He hasn't gotten this bad in a long time. He is looking at me now. I am relieved at first, but then his pupils suddenly dilate into dark pools. He squeezes my hands hard

"You lied to them" he says quietly "You told them that you loved me... you never loved me" he says, louder. His hands are squeezing mine so hard that it hurts, but I don't do anything

"Peeta, what you are thinking; it's not real. I do love you. I swear to you that I love you. Just like our kids love you. Periwinkle and Andy? They told you today how much they love you" I tell him gently

"Those aren't my kids... you lied again. You had those bastards with _Gale_!" he says, angry. That hurt; he has never called them anything like that before. But I know that he doesn't mean it. But he does need to keep quiet

"You can't deny them, they look just like you" I tell him. I nod my head in the direction of our family portrait on our nightstand "Look at the picture. They are the perfect mix of me and you"

He hesitates, but I see something flicker in his eyes, doubt, and he looks at the picture. He stares at it for a while before he shakes his head. He looks back at me and pulls his hands from mine roughly. He puts his face in his hands and sits there for a moment. He rubs his hands over his face before dropping them down and looking at me. His eyes are back to normal, but he has tears running down his cheeks. I get off of the floor and sit next to him on the bed, wrapping my arms around him.

"I'm a terrible person" he sobs quietly

"Peeta you are not a terrible person. You are the best person I know"

"No" Peeta says, looking at me. He still has tears falling, but his voice is hard "I wanted to hurt you" his voice cracks a little "That hasn't happened in a long time. And I called the kids... I said..." he can't get himself to say it

"I thought I could do it... I thought I would be strong and we would tell those kids about the games... but I couldn't do it... I left you to do it yourself, knowing how hard it was for you" he says

"Peeta... we both knew it was going to be hard. And you didn't mean the things you said. I told you before; when those things are said, it's not you speaking. My Peeta loves his family and would never say those things" I tell him gently

"I'm so sorry"

"Do not be sorry... it's not your fault... I love you" I tell him. He can't help the way his lips perk up, they always do when I say that "I love you because, even though you have those moments, you always keep your promise to me"

"What promise?" he asks. I smile at him

"The promise you made on the train. I asked you to stay with me..."

"And I said 'always'"

"And you do, you have. You have always stayed with me, getting all through those tough times; inside or outside of your head. And I love you so much for that" I tell him

"And I love you so much more" he tells me with a soft grin. I kiss him gently

"Let's get some sleep. I want you to hold me" I tell him. He agrees and we lie down

I wake early in the morning and realize that I should let everybody know. I call Annie and tell her that the kids know. She offers to come and talk to them with Lily. Then I call Johanna. She is pissed that I called so early, but changes her tune when I tell her why I called. She too offers to come and talk to the kids and answer any questions. They should both be here by about noon. I go over to Haymitch's place after I hang up with Johanna. I'm surprised that he is not outside, tending to his geese. I find him in the kitchen, sitting and drinking coffee. He drinks a lot of coffee since he gave up his liquor.

"Hey Sweetheart" he says

"Hey Haymitch... I need to tell you something" I say, sitting in the chair across from him

"Oh, god you aren't pregnant again are you?" he says

"God no!"I shout at him

"Well what is it then?"

"Peeta and I spoke at the school yesterday, telling the kids in Peri's class about the games. Peri thinks it would be better for us to tell Andy before he learns about it in school. Annie, Johanna, and Lily are coming to help tell him and answer any questions either of them may have. I want you to come too" I tell him. He looks at me, eyebrows raised

"I dunno Sweetheart, I've been awful tired lately" he says. That's a lame excuse

"Haymitch, please... they love you" I tell him. His eyebrows draw together

"Yeah... yeah, I know. I'll talk to them. But I'm serious about bein tired. I think I might be getting sick" he says. I stand up and give him a hug. As always, he hesitates a little before hugging me back

"You'll be okay; you've made it through worse things than being sick" I tell him "I'll call you when everybody gets here" I tell him, leaving

Periwinkle acts pretty subdued, getting up and eating breakfast without any trouble. Andy still acts his normal self, but he doesn't know yet. After breakfast, I tell them the news

"Aunties Annie, Johanna, and Lily are coming over today" I tell them. They both get excited "But there is something that we are all going to discuss together. It's something serious, like what we discussed last night" I tell Andy. Peri immediately knows what I'm talking about and Andy seems wary

Peeta has been really quiet all morning too, but when I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, he seems to relax a little. At about one thirty everybody gets here. There is no knock, just Lily bursting into the door and nearly tackling me

"Katniss! I haven't seen you in, like forever!" she says. A second later, she is hugging Peeta, and then the kids. I look and Annie walks in

"I called Lily and we managed to get the train she was taking to pick us up too" she says, hugging me. I guess Little Finnick couldn't come.

"God, quit gawking, it's just the house! I hate to see how you react when you actually see _them_!" I hear Johanna shout at somebody. But who?

"Wait till you see this" Annie says, a huge grin on her face. She wanders over to the kids while I turn back to the door. Johanna is standing there, facing out with her hands on her hips

"You look fine!" she shouts. My head cocks to the side.

"What is she yelling at?" Peeta asks, coming up next to me

"I have no idea, but if it's what I think it is, I may have a heart attack" I tell him. And then Johanna grabs a hand and drags the man attached to it into the room

"Johanna, please, I'm nervous" the man says. He freezes when he sees me and Peeta staring at him

"Um... hi" I say, giving a slight wave. I am so surprised. Johanna told me years ago that she was never going to have a man because she would never _want_ a man in her life. But here she is with a man. She gives him a look that is half irritated and half love. I imagine I get this look a lot from Peeta

"Guys, this is Mason and he is, like, your biggest fan. I told him you are nothing special, but he won't listen" Johanna says

"Johanna! Why do you talk like that right in front of them?" He says.

"Hey, I told you before, I am their biggest fan" Lily says, standing next to me with her hands on her hips with a smile on her face. Peeta walks over to Mason and offer his hand

"Hello, Mason" he says. Mason takes his hand and shakes it. I walk over next to Peeta and offer my hand as well

"Hello" I tell him

"I-I was there. At the battle of the nut; I watched you get shot" he says. Nice opening line. I start to say something, but Johanna cuts me off

"Please, the bullet never touched her! Why do people say that you got shot, it only counts if the bullet touched you" she says

"I agree" I tell her, and she grins at me

The kids are sent outside to play while we talk and catch up. Johanna met Mason about a year ago when she was at a bar. They called the name Mason to pick up a drink order and they both tried to take it. Then he tried to hit on her, but she wasn't having it. She said that he would find her and hit on her every day until a few months ago when she finally agreed to go out with him. She told me she always thought she was going to never admit to loving a man, but she did love him. Mason was very shy at first, but then he got used to us. Annie tells me all about Little Finnick, who has been seeing a young lady for a while now. He makes me feel older than my own kids do.

We talk for a long time, but then I realize that we need to get down to brass tacks. I tell them everything that Peri already knows and what I told both of them last night. They seemed concerned about how Peeta was doing with it, but he brushes the concerns away. They discuss the best way to talk to them and I am about to call the kids back into the house when Andy rushes in with tears in his eyes

"What's wrong honey?" I ask him

"Is what Peri saying true? About the hunger games?" he asks.

"You go get Papa, and then we will discuss it, okay?" I tell him. He nods and leaves.

"This might not end too well" I whisper to Peeta


	19. Chapter 19

_**I cried writing this... I'm sorry everybody. Please review. And check out my other story Victors in Dauntless**_

It feels like the questions and, more importantly, the tears will never end. We try to break it to him gently, but there is no gentle way to talk about something like this. At one point he gets terrified that the games may return and he grabs hold of his sister and won't let go for about twenty minutes. This is one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but when we are finally done, Andy understands it all and Peri doesn't have any more questions. It is really late, so we say goodbye to everybody

"I'm happy for you" I tell Johanna when she catches me looking at her hand in Mason's. She only smiles

"It was such an honor to meet you" Mason says for the hundredth time

"Tell Little Finnick that I miss him. He hasn't been over her in a long time" I tell Annie. They all go to the hotel that was built a couple of years ago. Travel has been big the last decade.

"Haymitch, it's getting late" I say, walking over to where he has been sitting at the kitchen table for the last hour. He doesn't respond

"Haymitch" I say. I see his eyes are closed. He is getting old, but he doesn't usually just fall asleep like that. I touch his shoulder and shake him a little. He doesn't respond. I feel my heart start to beat over time "Haymitch!" I shout. I can see him breathing and that calms me a little, but he won't wake up

"Peeta, something is wrong!" I shout up the stairs to where he was putting the kids to bed. He rushes down the stairs

"What is it?" he asks, worried

"He- he won't wake up. He is breathing, but he won't wake up" I tell him. I notice that I am crying. Peeta goes over to Haymitch and does everything I did, shaking him and yelling his name. Then he gets the phone and calls the hospital. It takes them nearly an hour to get here and the whole time I sit with Haymitch, checking every few minutes to make sure he is still breathing. When they get here, they check over Haymitch quickly and then tell us that he is in a coma and needs to be taken to the hospital.

We made the kids stay in their rooms, not wanting them to see, but we tell them to get dressed so we can go to the hospital. They don't cry, but they seem very scared. I tell them that everything will be okay, but I don't think it will be. I am so scared to lose this man who has been my mentor for all these years. We get to the hospital and see Haymitch. He is hooked up to what seems like a hundred different machines. We stand in the doorway just looking at him before we hear a voice behind us

"Hello, I am Haymitch's doctor... can we talk?" a man in a white coat asks. I hate the white coat, only because I know Prim would be wearing one if she were here.

"Haymitch has gone into a coma, as you already know. It was caused by liver failure. I suspect that he has been sick for a long time, but he just didn't put much thought to it" he tells us. I can feel that the tears have started falling again "He is hooked on life support. He has you two put down to make any of his medical decisions if he is unable to, which is now"

"Wait, what? When did he do that?" I ask, my voice shaking

"I'm not sure... but you need to know that; in my medical opinion, I do not believe that he will wake up" he says quietly and gently. "You should think about what you want done... we can keep him on the life support... or not" he says.

I have fought for my life in two hunger games, fought in a war, and survived giving birth to two children. But the hardest thing I have ever done in my life; is make a decision about this. I spend the night calling everybody, telling them what happened, and asking them what they think we should do. I call Annie, Johanna, Lily, and Gale. They all tell me that it is up to us, that we knew Haymitch better than anybody and that we would know what he would want. But that's the problem; Peeta and I both agree that Haymitch would say to pull the plug...

I sit alone in Haymitch's room. I needed a minute alone with him. Peeta sits in the waiting room with the kids, who had long since then cried themselves to sleep.

"I don't know what to do" I tell Haymitch, holding his hand "You have been my mentor for so long. Giving me advice and telling me what you think would be best. I need you most right now and you aren't here. I know what you would say, though. But I never did listen to your advice" I tell him, the tears streaming silently down my face

"Maybe you deserve this... for me to listen to you for once. But I don't want to lose you. I have lost so many people in my life. But you know all about that... I remember after Prim died... people told me she was going to a better place. I never understood what they were talking about. I still don't... but maybe you will go someplace better... If you do... can you do something for me? Say hi to... everybody... if you see them.

"Tell my mom and my dad... tell Finnick and Boggs and everybody who was on my squad who died... tell Beetee and Cinna... tell Buttercup... and thank Madge... but tell Prim that I love her... and please never forget that I love you too, Haymitch" I tell him. I leave the room and find Peeta. I wrap my arms tightly around him

"It needs to happen... it's what he would want..." I tell him, with my face pressed against his chest

"Okay" he whispers. I can tell that he is crying too

It happens the next morning; after the kids and Peeta and I say goodbye; after Annie and Johanna and Lily say goodbye. I don't think I will ever stop crying. I have lost so many of the good people in my life. Haymitch was an ass most of the time, but that's why we loved him. I tell the kids that if I am ever in the same situation as Haymitch, I want the same thing done. They don't like that idea, but agree to do it.

I like to believe that the people we lose get to go someplace better. I don't really understand what that better place is supposed to be, but it's a nice thought. Kind of like the meadow in Peri and Andy's favorite song.

We go home and I go to bed. Peeta offers me dinner, but I don't want it. I just lie in bed... and think. I think about all the time I spent with Haymitch. All the times I said something rude to him. All the times he said something rude to me. All the times he gave me goof advice... and not so good advice... and I never listened anyway. All the times he still stuck with me, when I didn't listen. There were so many times that I should have done something different; listened to what he told me to do.

I feel as I did when I returned to twelve after the war; cold, empty, sad. Time passes by without my even noticing. I think the kids and Peeta talk to me, but I can barely hear it. Sometimes I eat what Peeta brings me, but I don't really taste it and I still feel empty. Peeta tries to get me to talk to people on the phone, but I don't. I listen to Johanna yelling at me and Annie talking to me, but I don't hear any of it. One day Peeta comes in and slams the door. It startles me and I jump up


	20. Chapter 20

_**Alright everybody, I truly hate to be that kind of author, but I will not post another chapter until I get more reviews. I want at least two, come on people! PLEASE! I have another story up called Victors in Dauntless, but I may take it down and rewrite it. It was my first time writing in that style and I don't like the way I did it. I also might start a different Hunger Games/ Divergent crossover. Comment whether or not you think I should do that. I have some original stories, but idk where I can put them. Does anybody know where I can post original stories? Let me know if you do, please. Thank you for reading. Also, notice how the name of the author is Les7091 and not Suzanne Collins, that is because I am not her, and the characters are not mine. I only continued the story after the epilogue ;)**_

 _One day Peeta comes in and slams the door. It startles me and I jump up_

"I cannot- will not do this anymore, Katniss!" He shouts at me. I stare at him and try not to hear what he is saying, but the shouting keeps my attention "I know you needed to mourn, but a month is just too much" so that's how long it's been "Every day the kids ask me when mama's going to feel better! I know you loved Haymitch, Katniss, I did too! It is hard to live without him, but you more than anybody should understand that, even with death, we have to move on! I know you mourn in a way that's different than most people, but Katniss this is just not healthy! I'm scared; I have been-" he cuts off and turns away from me. He leaves the room and slams the door behind him. I stare after the door long after he has left, thinking about what he said. A month? Could it have really been a whole month? I have barely eaten anything and I only shower when Peeta makes me... I suddenly realize what I have done.

I have turned into my mother. After my father died, when she shut herself away while Prim and I wasted away to nothing, when she lay in bed all day and stared off into nothing, when she didn't give us love in the time we needed it most... I feel tears running down my cheeks and I don't bother to wipe them away. I get up and rush to the bathroom. I don't look in the mirror as I quickly strip and climb in the shower. I wash my hair twice and my body thrice before I really feel clean. It takes quite a while to comb my hair out, and it reminds me of the last time I did all of this... when Peeta didn't return to me. He must be feeling the same thing I did then, that I will never return. I brush my teeth and braid my hair back. I quickly get dressed and am about to open the door, but then I freeze

What finally set him off? Will he still be mad at me? Will he yell at me again? He hasn't yelled at me since... he wasn't himself. I hope he has been okay. I have been incredibly selfish. I turn the knob and leave the room for the first time in a month. It's very quiet

"Peeta?" I call out

I find him standing in the kitchen

"Peeta?" I say, walking closer to him. I now realize that he is shaking.

"Again" he whispers, so quietly I barely hear him "Again you left me... on my own... to deal with something so huge..." he says. I step closer and place my hand on his arm. He quickly jerks his arm away and turns around. His eyes... look normal? They aren't dilated or darker like they usually get when he has a flashback "I thought... that you finally understood... and wouldn't leave me like that... I guess I was wrong. I guess I may have been wrong about a lot of things" he narrows his eyes at me

"Peeta... where are the kids? Are they at school?" I ask him gently.

"They're with Johanna. I asked her to watch them while you abandoned me. Not like you care, though" he says. I don't like this. I understand if he is upset, but this isn't Peeta talking; this is hijacked Peeta talking. But he isn't showing any other signs of a flashback. I try to take his hand, but he steps away from me

"Do not touch me" he says slowly, annunciating each word with a dark look in his eyes. I step away from him and look over at the phone

"Peeta, I am going to get the phone. We need to call the hospital because something is very wrong with you" I tell him quietly

"Me? There's something wrong with me?" he laughs harshly. He takes a step towards me, but I take a step back. For the first time in a very long time... I am scared of him.

"Peeta, please; I love you, you need to think about what you are doing" I tell him. He shakes his head and chuckles slightly

"I know exactly what I'm doing; I'm fixing my family. You are like a disease... getting worse and worse until it kills you... and our kids don't deserve that. They deserve for you to be out of their lives" I feel a tear fall, hot and heavy, down my cheek. He is like a combination of Peeta and hijacked Peeta. He is not denying our kids, but denying me. He seems to have a good idea on reality, but his opinions are being altered.

I know he won't let me get to the phone; so how else am I supposed to get help? He notices me look at the phone again, and he looks at it as well

"You want the phone? So you can do what? Call for help? You think I want to hurt you? I don't want to hurt you. I want you to go the hell away" he says. He picks up the phone and holds it out to me "Here, call whoever so you can get out" he tells me. Then he leaves the kitchen. I jump out of his way and stay as far away as I can

I try to dial the number, but my hands are shaking. It takes three tries before I get the right number in and it starts ringing

"Twelve Hospital, what is your emergency?" a woman asks

"It's Katniss, something is wrong with Peeta. I need you to send somebody to come get him" I tell her. I am still crying so my voice is wavering

"Ok, same address?" she asks. Of course everybody knows who we are and where we live

"Yes, please hurry. He's not really violent but... just please send someone" I tell her

"Yes, ma'am, they will be there shortly" I hang up the phone and set it down. Then I sink to the floor and stay there, not wanting to see Peeta again. He has never been like that before. I hear the door open and a few people come in. There is no sound of any kind of struggle, but I see them walk by the kitchen they have Peeta, holding him by his upper arms. He stops and looks at me

"I want you gone before I come back" he tells me. The look he gives me, combined with the words, gives me cold chills. I can't leave. I won't. I find my shoes and hurry out of the house and start toward the hospital. When I get there, I am immediately greeted by the therapist who came when the hospital opened. He knows all about Peeta and me

"Katniss; we need to talk" he says. I nod and follow him. We go to a room where there is a mirror. This is just like thirteen when he was first rescued...

We sit in the chairs that are in the small room. I avoid looking in the mirror, because I know what is on the other side

"Katniss, you obviously know that there is something very different and wrong about Peeta. Can you tell me a little bit about how this may have started?" he asks me. I think his name is Dr. Weaver

"No..." I say, knowing being honest is what is best for Peeta right now

"Why not? I need to know to try and help him" he tells me

"I know that, but I've been... out of sorts lately. Since Haymitch... died, I have been really depressed and..." I can't keep going

"Well then it is likely that Peeta has been depressed too but... I'm not really sure what has caused this odd behavior in him. We need to keep him under observation and take some blood samples for some tests. Are you okay with the kids?"

"Johanna has the kids" I tell him

"Good, because I think you may need some tests as well" he tells me. I don't have the energy to argue. I let him take me to a room and I wait for a doctor to see me

 _ **What's wrong with Peeta? Will he be okay? What about Katniss; what will she do if he's not okay? Omg the questions! Review my story and I'll post the next chapter, cause I do have it written**_ __ __


	21. Chapter 21

_**Well guys, I'm afraid that there will not be much more to the story. I love writing, though, so I will most likely have more stories up. But with school and not having a real home, it won't be too easy. I am going tomorrow to get the rest of my belongings from the house. I don't know if my step dad will be there, but I haven't seen him since everything went down. He was supposed to have a warrant out on him for violating our DVO and EPO against him, but for some reason he hasn't been arrested *sigh* thank you everybody who reads this and likes it. Please review, you have no idea how happy reading views makes me. And I could use more happiness in my life. If you want, you can contact me by means mentioned in previous chapters. Thank you so much for reading**_

I come home with a prescription for an antidepressant and no new information about my husband. I call Johanna first thing, she answers on the first ring

"Peeta, are you okay?" she asks, sounding worried

"It's me, Johanna" I tell her, and then brace myself for the shouting that is sure to come. But it doesn't

"Katniss, are finally done?" she asks me, sounding exhausted

"I think so. Johanna, I am so sorry. I don't know what happened" I tell her.

We spend about two hours on the phone talking. I tell her what happened with Peeta and how I feel like it was my fault, for falling in my dark hole. I tell her about how ashamed I am because it is exactly what my mother did to my sister and I. She tells me how she got the kids. Peeta called her the night before and told her that the kids were on a train on their way to district seven. He told her that he needed to help me without them there. I cry nearly the whole time, and I think Johanna might have cried a little too, but I don't let her know that I know. I thank her about a hundred times for watching the kids while Peeta and I go through this. When we finally hang up, I am exhausted. Dr. Weaver said he would call me if anything changed with Peeta or if they found out anything. I want to go to bed, but I am too scared that I won't be able to get back up if I do. So I go hunting

I haven't been hunting in a while. I have no need to hunt for survival anymore, and the district has a store with food all the time. I would go more often just for the peace of it, but having two kids makes it hard. I realize half way to my hunting spot that I am also not a young as I once was and making the trek through the woods is not quite as easy as it used to be. But I get there and sit, listening to the busy silence of the woods. It's actually quite loud, but also not at the same time. I can hear the birds and leaves moving in the wind, the quiet chatter of squirrels and other rodents nearby, along with the small stream a few yards away. The busy silence used to calm me, but now it is only giving me time to think. And over think.

I don't know what happened to Peeta, but it scared me. I haven't ever been scared of Peeta. Maybe a little unsure and wary, but never scared. He hates me. I have thought before that he hated me, but this time I am positive that he hates me. And I don't know what to do. I don't have Haymitch and I don't have Peeta... I haven't felt this lost since I was a little girl. I can't believe I did the same thing my mother did; abandoning my kids. I am a terrible person... but I have suspected that for a long time.

I wonder if Peeta will get better. What will I do if he doesn't? Can I take care of the kids by myself? Will he take the kids from me? I didn't know I was crying until I felt a tear fall onto my hand. I wipe it away, but more replace it. I cry until the sun starts to set, then I hurry to get back to the house before it gets dark.

Being back in the house makes me want to cry again, though. I have nothing to do. I haven't been stuck with nothing to do in twelve years. I realize that I really do need to eat something, so I search the kitchen for something, and then make myself eat it. Then I spend half the night watching anything on the TV. I try to stay awake, for fear of what sleep will bring, but I find myself being woken at some unknown time by the phone

"Hello?"

"It's Dr. Weaver, Ms. Everdeen, we think we may have an explanation for Peeta's behavior. Can you come in?"

"Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can" I tell him and then hang up. I nearly break my neck running up the stair to get dressed, and I run all the way to the hospital. We don't have a car because we don't like cars. I get there, and thank god, Dr. Weaver is waiting for me. He takes me into a room to tell me what is going on

"So what is wrong with him?" I ask

"Well, I believe that he has been in a depressed state, just as you have been. When one is depressed, certain chemicals in the brain such as dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine are low. This causes the symptoms that you have been experiencing. But I believe that Peeta's brain had been replacing the lost chemicals with the tracker jacker venom that was still present in his body. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I think so but... well, what can we do about it?" I ask him

"Well, we have started him on antidepressants as well, to get those low chemicals up to where they should be. But the big thing is that... I believe that most of the tracker jacker venom has been used up" he tells me

"Excuse me?"

"As you already know, for years his venom levels have been very low, low enough to only occasionally cause his attacks. But now when I have tested him, the levels are almost undetectable. I believe that you shouldn't see any more flashbacks from him"

"Are you serious?" I ask, not believing him. Peeta rarely had flashbacks any more, but when he did have them, they made him feel awful. And I felt awful knowing he felt that way.

"I truly believe that the venom should not be a problem anymore. He has been acting somewhat normal... would you like to see him?" he asks me. I do want to see him... but I am scared that he will turn into that other man who scared me so much. But I miss him too much to say no

So I follow Dr. Weaver to Peeta's room. It's a normal room, and that is reassuring. I see Peeta, lying in his bed, asleep

"Does he know what you told me?" I ask Dr. Weaver

"Yes, he does. Do you want me to stay with you, or are you okay to be alone with him?" he asks me. I hesitate, but answer

"I'm okay alone, thank you" and he leaves.

I want to climb into the bed with him and hug him tight, but I decide that that might not be the best idea. So I sit in the chair next to the bed and take his hand, kissing it. I hold his hand, rubbing circles on the back of it with my thumb, until he wakes up


	22. Chapter 22

I feel something in my hair. I open my eyes and quickly jerk away when I see that it was Peeta, running his fingers through my hair. He frowns at me and tears fill his eyes

"Peeta?" I need to know if he is himself, or that other man who hated me

"I don't understand what happened... the doctors told me but... it makes no sense... I should have been able to fight it... I said such terrible things" he says in a voice just above a whisper "I love you so much... and I am so sorry. But I don't expect you to forgive me" he says. He _is_ my Peeta. I jump onto the bed and wrap my arms around him. He immediately hugs me back, just as tightly

"I am so, so, so sorry" I sob into his shoulder. "You were so right; I left you when you needed me...again. I am so sorry"

"Katniss you-"

"No! There was no reason for me to act like that. I asked you to stay with me and you always have, but I never return the favor" I tell him. He must realize that arguing is useless, because he doesn't try it

"I love you _so_ much" I tell him

"I love you so much _more_ " he says

Peeta stays in the hospital for two weeks. The doctor tells me that his recovery is similar to detoxing because his body had been dependent on the venom for all these years and he is still able to remove those final amounts of venom. He tries not to be grumpy, but I can tell that for the first week he is in a pretty bad mood. He gets the shivers and then hot flashes. It's hard for me and the kids to see him like that.

I apologized to the kids fiercely when they came home and Johanna chewed me out. But the night they came home, Peri did something I thought she would never do again; she asked me to sing to her. So I did. For hours Peri, Andy, and I sang every song my father taught me. When they finally fell asleep, I stayed in their room with them, holding them while they slept and I cried.

As part of his recovery, we work on the book; on Haymitch's part of the book. I bring a ton of paper and we work on what we are going to put in the book. We call and talk to Johanna and Annie about what they might want to contribute. Of course Little Finnick and Lily get involved because they knew and loved Haymitch too.

Two pages to talk about his time in the games and Maysille.

Four pages to talk about his hell of a time mentoring tributes for all those years and watching them die.

One page to talk about his involvement in the rebellion.

Three pages to talk about his years with us after the end of the games, including a few feathers from his geese.

Four pages to talk about his alcoholism and how he was able to overcome it.

Five pages to talk about his years as a grandfather to Andy, Periwinkle, Little Finnick, and Lily.

And four pages to talk about his years as a father to me and Peeta.

His is now the longest entry in the book. We are finishing the final touches when Peeta's doctor comes in and tells us that he can come home. We were already crying, and that just made it worse.

It feels strange to go home, though. Things are so different that I can hardly bear it. When I accidently let out a small whimper, Peeta turns me to face him

"Katniss, you need to tell me what you are feeling" he tells me

"I just feel like I'm missing something... like a huge part of me is gone and I can't get it back" I tell him "Haymitch is gone, my mother is gone... the house just seems like it's missing something" he nods

"I know" is all he says. He hugs me tight until we hear the front door open

"Daddy!" I hear both Andy and Peri squeal before running over and tackling Peeta. They had only seem him a few times in the hospital because it made me nervous having them there and Peeta didn't want them seeing him like that. Peeta grabs onto them and hugs them. He then sinks down to the floor and sits there with them, holding them.

"Daddy?" Andy says. We all look at him "Can we make cookies?" he asks. And we all laugh. Of course, our little boy is cute enough to make us laugh at a time like this. But it is an excellent idea; to make cookies. So we do

We make every kind of cookie from every recipe we can find that sound good. And that results in the four of us being up in the middle of the night with ten dozen cookies.

We can't possible eat all these cookies, and the bakery has more than enough; so we pack them up and send some to Johanna and Mason, Annie and Little Finnick, Lily, and Gale and Emerald,

In future years, it's the simple things like making a ton of cookies that makes me very happy to be alive. Some days, I still have a hard time doing these simple things, but my babies and Peeta help me.

Some days, the worse days of my life seem like nothing more than a bad dream. But then I have to convince myself that they are real, because denying the memories would dishonor all the people lost in them. Of course, it hurts deeply to tell myself that I did, in fact, kills many people and the other terrible things in my life. But I have to do it.

Time seems to fly by. Periwinkle is more and more beautiful every day. Peeta is terribly frustrated with himself the day Peri comes home with a young man. She insists that she loves him and says that Peeta that he can't say that she doesn't, considering that he fell in love with me when we were five. But she was right, and he was wrong. The wedding was beautiful, and I did approve of her choice even though they were both pretty young. The baby is due in May

Andy went through a bit of a phase as a teenager. But we called Annie and she asked Little Finnick to come and talk to him since he went through something similar. Now he has been talking to Peeta about liking a girl, but being too afraid to say something to her... doesn't that sound familiar?

The doctor was right; Peeta doesn't have any more flashbacks, something that makes him very happy.

There are times that I wish some things hadn't been done in my life, things that hadn't happened; but then I realize that, without them, I would probably not be where I am right now, with my beautiful family.

 _ **Well, that is it... the ending... ...But that doesn't mean we can't have some one-shots, right? Can I get a hell yeah? Review and let me know if you want some one-shots, because I have a lot of places where I could go into more detail on things. Let me know of any scene or time in their life that you want me to do a one-shot of and go into more detail. Remember, I can't know what you want if you don't tell me**_ __ _ **Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. This has helped me a lot with some of my problems I have been having with life, we got the rest of our stuff from the house without too much trouble, so now it is my time to try to move on. If you want to contact me, do so by means mentioned in a previous chapter. Also, remember that the author name says Les7091 and not Suzanne Collins; that is because I am not her**_ __ _ **and the characters are not mine**_ __ __ __ _ **THANK YOU AND PLEASE REVIEW**_


	23. buttercup one shot

_**First one shot; before the kids, but after the bakery opened. It had to have happened some time, nothing lives forever. Let me know of any specific scenes you want me to write and I will try my best to do so. I would like to do them chronologically, so place your orders now so I can figure out how to post them. Thank you for reading. PLEASE REVIEW. And tell your friends ;)**_

"God! I am coming!" Haymitch shouts. The door opens and he has a scowl on his face. But it goes away and concern replaces it when he sees my face. "What's wrong with you?" he asks

"Have you seen Buttercup? I can't find him anywhere!" I say with and endless stream of tears running down my cheeks "I've looked all around all the houses, I've looked in town, I've been searching the woods all morning! I can't find him" I tell him with a sob

"Oh, sweetheart, where's Peeta?" Haymitch asks me

"He had to work. I told him not to worry about me, but I thought I would find him. What am I going to do if I can't find him? He's all I have left of her!" I drop down onto the porch and sit there and cry. I am surprised when Haymitch sits down next to me and puts an arm around me while I cry. He doesn't say anything, but I doubt anything he would say could make me feel better. Buttercup was the last piece of my sister that I could hold. He didn't like it sometimes, but he allowed it.

"Katniss" I hear from behind me. I look and it's Peeta. I thought he was at the bakery "I found him" he whispers. Not good

"I thought you were at work" I say, trying to avoid what I know he is going to tell me

"I never went to work. I have been looking for him all day, just like you" he tells me. I should have known. I feel my lower lip start to shake

"No" I whisper. Peeta just looks down "Where? Where is he? I want to see him" I say

"Katniss, I don't think that's a good idea" he tells me. But I stand, help Haymitch up, and then go over to him

"I don't care... I need to see him" I tell him. He looks wary for only a moment before he nods in understanding. He takes me around to the side of our house. How could he have been so close and I not find him? I still don't see him. I see Peeta kneel down in front of one of the bushes. He pulls aside some of the branches and there he is. I drop to the ground and start crying. Not anymore because he is gone, but because he curled up with the primrose and drifted away. He looks asleep, and for once in my life, I think he looks beautiful, surrounded by fallen primroses

Peeta assumes the position Haymitch had, earlier; holding me while I cry. When I manage to slightly get a hold of myself, I decide that I want to bury him right there; where he obviously wanted to be, with the primrose. I dig the hole between two of the bushes and lay him down into it gently

The next day I spend mostly in bed. I don't cry much, just stay sad. The only time I cry is when Peeta comes in holding a medium sized, flat rock. He hands it to me, and I see that it has beautiful looking words painted on it

 _Animals have a much better attitude to life and death than we do. They know when their time has come. We are the ones who suffer when they pass, but it's a healing kind of grief that enables us to deal with other griefs that are not so easy to grab hold of_

I cry and hold Peeta, thanking him for being so amazing. We go out that afternoon, my first time out of bed, and we place the rock on top of the fresh mound of dirt. Peeta has put a coating over the words so that it will withstand the elements. And so that rock will stay there forever.

I made myself realize that Prim is not really gone. I did not need Buttercup to remember her. I will always remember her because she was the first person I loved more than life. It hurts to think about her, but I also love to think about her. She would probably be proud about how far I have come; how I have not let my trials and tribulations keep me down. Of course, there are days where I almost let them, but then I think of Prim and I feel better


	24. say mama one shot

"Say 'Mama'! Peri, baby, say 'Mama'" I tell my beautiful baby girl. She is two years and four months old now, and she refuses to say anything. Peeta insists that he will get her to say daddy first, but he has been at the bakery working, so I have more time with her. "Say 'Mama'" I tell her again. She just smiles and giggles at me. I hear Haymitch sigh loudly and take a drink of his coffee that has quite a bit of white liquor in it. I don't like him drinking around the baby, but I know he has been having a hard time recently... like the rest of us. It's around that time of the year again... reaping day. Peeta throws himself into his work, Haymitch drinks, and I try to get the baby to say mama. It helps... a little.

"I don't know why you bother, she'll talk when she wants to" Haymitch says. He acts like he doesn't really care, but I see the looks he gives Peri when he thinks I'm not looking; he loves her.

"It can't hurt to give her a little encouragement, now can it, Haymitch?" I ask him "Say 'Mama', Peri"

"Whatever; your kid" he says. I roll my eyes

"God, Haymitch"

"Haymie" my eyes triple in size and I look at Periwinkle. Did she really just-? "Haymie" she says again with a huge grin. I squeal loudly and look at Haymitch. He's got a captured deer look on his face. He looks at me and he can't help the small smile that comes over his face. He looks down at his coffee and frowns

"I'll see you later" he says, getting up and leaving the room. Where is he going? He isn't going to say anything to Peri? I pick her up and follow behind Haymitch, but the door slams shut before I can catch up to him

I am about to open the door and demand to know what his problem is, but then I see his coffee cup on the small table next to the door. It's full

I go over to the window and looks through the small crack in the shade. I see a bottle fly out of Haymitch's front window. And a tear falls down my cheek. I look at Peri and kiss her head; my baby girl is finally going to be the one to change Haymitch for the better. Hopefully forever

Haymitch, of course, never admits it was Periwinkle who convinced him to stop drinking. Nor that he ever stopped drinking at all. But I know the truth.


	25. Dandelions in the Meadow

_**This is before the kids. TwilightFreak143, your review made me so happy (and in no way bored me lol), that I just had to write this one shot asap even though I may have broken my wrist and typing is a little uncomfortable. I never expected such love for my story and I will continue to write different stories, probably mostly hunger games related because it's my favorite book...ever. To a guest reviewer, I personally do not like those high school stories, but I have been thinking about it and may attempt to write one, for your sake. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and especially for your concern about me and my stepdad. I recently found out that all charges are going to be dropped against him, which (sorry for the language) pisses me off to no end because it's bullshit. But that's why I write, to try and deal with my feelings especially since (because of my stepdad) I have no medical insurance right now and can't go to therapy :/ I love everybody who reads and reviews. Let me know what one-shots you want to read, and I will do my best to write it. Now onto the story**_

"I want to take you somewhere tomorrow" I tell Peeta as we lie in bed together.

"Where?" he asks, grinning at me

"It's a secret" I tell him, smirking

"That's no fun"

"That's all the fun. I want you to pack a basket tomorrow with a bunch of your goodies; lots of cheese buns" I tell him

"Ok" he says, not questioning me anymore. But I can see in his eyes that he is still trying to figure it out. I smile at his thoughtful eyes. He notices me smile and grabs me, pulling me flush against him. I let out a squeak of surprise and he kisses my neck

"Will you tell me now?" he asks, with his lips still so close to my neck that I can feel them move when he speaks. It tickles, so I try to squirm away from him, but he pulls me tighter against him

"No" I tell him, giggling a little. Only Peeta could make me giggle. His lips keep moving along my neck and it tickles but feels so good at the same time. He suddenly pulls away and pouts at me when he realizes that I'm not going to tell him anything

The next morning, he doesn't ask any questions; just does as I have asked of him. He packs the basket and I grab a large blanket. He gives me a strange look, but doesn't question me. We go outside and start walking, ignoring the looks from Haymitch as he tends to his geese. When we get close, I tell Peeta to close his eyes

"Really? I went along not knowing and now I'm not even allowed to look?" he says. I grin at him

"That's right" I tell him. I kiss him until he closes his eyes and then I pull away from him

"Hey!" he says, opening his eyes again

"Close them" I tell him. He sighs loudly, but does as he is told. I lead him carefully, watching his prosthetic leg, knowing that he trips on it sometimes. When we get the meadow, I smile and whisper in his ear

"Ready?" he doesn't say anything, he just nods. I let him open his eyes and he gasps. The meadow is beautiful today, with all the flowers in bloom and hundreds of butterflies.

"It's amazing" he says, smiling at me. "I could never see this from town" We find a good spot and I lay out the blanket and we sit down

"Why did you want to take me here?" Peeta asks me "After all this time?"

"I'm not sure why I waited so long, but I just decided I wanted to show you. I love you and I want to share something else that I loved with you" I tell him. He smiles the most amazing smile every time I tell him I love him.

"I love you too. And thank you for sharing this with me. I wish I had my sketchbook" he says. I look down and feel my face get a little red. I reach under the corner of the blanket and pull out his sketchbook and small box of pencils. I grabbed them as we walked out this morning and tucked them into the blanket

"I thought you might say that" I tell him, handing then to him. He smiles at me and takes them

"I love you so much" he says

"I love you so much more" I tell him back.

"What's your favorite flower?" he asks me. I look around at all the different flowers

"I don't think I have a favorite" I tell him. Then I spot a perfect looking blossom "But I do love this periwinkle" I tell him, pointing it out

"It's perfect" he tells me. He starts to draw it and I smile at him, loving that look of concentration he gets when he draws. I realize after a while that I am staring at him, but I don't think he minds, and I don't want to stop. When he finishes, he looks up at me and notices me staring. He kisses me gently before showing me the drawing

"It's amazing, it looks just like it" I tell him.

"What other flowers do you like?" he asks me. I look around again

"Well I like lilac, lilies... primrose" he smiles a sad smile at me. I don't want to be sad "Hey, I think I realized my favorite flower; dandelion" I tell him

"Dandelion? Isn't that a weed?" he asks me. I smile at him

"Yes... but it's more than just a weed to me" I tell him

"Why is that?"

"You" I tell him, with a grin

"Me?"

"Yes; do you remember the bread?" I ask him. He smiles at me

"Of course"

"Do you remember the next day at school, I tried to catch your eye, and I looked down and I saw a small patch of dandelions. I remembered my father's plant book and that you can eat dandelions. Me and... Prim went to the meadow when we got home from school and pick a ton of dandelions. Every time I see dandelions, they remind me of you and how much I love you" I tell him. He's smiling at me

"That's amazing" he says, and kisses me "I love you"

We spend the whole day taking about random things. He draws all the flowers I bring him, and I even let him draw me. I make crowns out of the flowers I pick and Peeta wears one without complaint. I'm not sure what time it is when I finally yawn, but the sun was starting to go down and I was sitting wrapped in Peeta's arms while we watched the sky turn his favorite shade of orange.

"I think we need to head home" he says, chuckling a little at me

"I don't want to leave" I tell him. But I am really tired. And then Peeta yawns too and I agree that we need to go home. We gather our things and walk back to the house, hand in hand. I sleep perfectly that night, wrapped in Peeta's arms.

 _ **I have realized that this is not in chronological order :/ does that bother anybody? If it does, let me know and I will try to fix it. I will be letting you know where in the story the one-shots are, so it's not like you wouldn't know. But I would change them anyway. I want nothing more than to make my readers happy. Thank you again for reading, and let me know what you want me to write in a review. Reading my reviews make me SO happy.**_


	26. Andy

_**So... sorry I haven't posted in a few days. Like I said before, my wrist hurts. Plus I haven't had time to write. I do my best writing at night, right before I go to bed, but I can't bring my laptop with me when I have to sleep downstairs on the couch while my mom works. And that is most nights. This part of the story is in between kids. I hope you like it. Let me know what one-shots you want to read about, and I will do my best to write it. I can't know what you want if you don't tell me. Please please review. Reviews make me SOOOO happy. And thank you for reading**_

"I don't wanna go home yet, mama!" Peri whines to me while I get her various toys that are lying around the bakery

"I know, baby, but Mama is tired and Daddy if too busy to work and play with you" I tell her. Peeta has had a lot of orders for cakes lately, and always designs the cakes himself so they are all different. He has people helping in the bakery, but he still likes to be a big part of decorating the cakes. He mostly has the others do the baking and cookies while he does the cakes. He likes when I help, but with Peri being five now, she is a little ball of energy and needs someone on her tail most of the time. Unless she is watching one of the new shows for children that are on the tv now. I think they are strange, but Peri loves them

"I'll let you watch Cable Learns to Count" is all I have to tell her, and she is rushing out of the shop. I give Peeta a kiss, but he is a little distracted by the cake he is designing "I love you, I'll see you when you get home" I tell him. He suddenly looks up from his drawing

"Are you okay?" he asks. I laugh a little at him

"Yeah, why?"

"You seem really tired. You should try to rest a little bit" he tells me.

"I'm okay; that's a side effect of having a five year old" I tell him

"Alright, I love you" he tells me

"I love you" I tell him, and then try to catch up with Peri.

When Peri and I get home, she immediately runs to the couch and sits, waiting for me to turn her show on. I laugh a little at her and follow her to the living room. After I turn her show on, I decide that I should take Peeta's advice and try to rest a little. I have been feeling a little extra worn down lately.

I guess Peri is too, because when I sit down next to her, she curls up next to me. I take the blanket from the back of the couch and cover us both up. Soon I tell she is asleep from her deep, steady breathing. And soon that lulls me to sleep as well.

I wake to the sound of little giggles. I open my eyes and Peri is lying with her head on my stomach, still giggling

"What's so funny?" I ask her, smiling

"Bump" she says, rubbing her little hand across my stomach. I feel my face pale and I feel sick. She continues to hold her ear and hand against my stomach. She stays like this until she starts giggling again, but this time I feel it too

I can't breathe. I don't notice the tears until I feel Peri's small hand wipe them away

"Why are you crying, mama?" she asks me. But that just makes me cry harder. I can't believe this. I barely made it through the first time. I never expected there to be a second. What will Peeta think? What do I really think? I don't even know. I am still crying. I still can't breathe. "Mama?" Peri sounds worried

"It-It's okay, honey... Why don't you go play in the back yard?" I tell her. I need to try to get a hold of myself and she will be okay out there by herself. She looks reluctant to leave me "I'm... I'm okay; go play" I tell her. She finally takes her favorite doll and goes. I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. I don't look any different... yet. I eventually got quite large when I was pregnant with Peri.

I try to stop crying, but it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. I do take deep breaths and get my breathing normal, though. I can't be getting worked up like that. I'm not sure how long I have been in here, but I hear Peri let out a loud squeal. I rush out the door and nearly kill Haymitch. He has Peri upside down and she is now giggling. He is going to hurt himself, but he gave me a heart attack!

"Did you know your little animal, here, was trying to ride one of my geese?" Haymitch says, smiling at Peri hanging

"Periwinkle, do not scream like that; you scared me" I tell her. Haymitch looks up at me and then does a double take. He sets Peri down

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?" he asks me, looking worried. I feel tears start to fall again "I'm gonna go talk to your mama, you stay out here" He tells Peri before coming over to me. I am now a sobbing mess again, so he leads me into the house and sits me on the couch

"What's going on?" He asks me

"I-I'm" but I can't get myself to say it. I feel the kicking again and let out a small whimper. Haymitch stares at me, confused, until realization dawns. His eyes widen

"Again?" he asks. I'm glad he figured it out so I didn't have to say it; I nod. I'm surprised when he hugs me

"It'll be alright... I promise" He tells me. This doesn't help me stop crying. Haymitch stays and comforts me until Peeta get's home, and then he helps me tell him. It's not until he sees me smiling at Peri feeling on my belly again that he leaves.

My pregnancy is different in some ways and similar in other ways to my first pregnancy. The scared feelings and nightmares are just as bad, but I have Peeta _and_ Peri this time to help me keep them at bay. But this time I get something I never had my first time; cravings.

One day, I wake up and I need mint. Badly. I try chewing some fresh mint leaves, but the texture makes me want to throw up. So Peeta goes through his recipes with mint in them. Most of them are cakes, but I don't want cake. Some of them are cookies, but I don't want cookies. And then he finally finds it; an old recipe for candy; chocolate and mint. He says he remembers making the candy when he was very young, but then chocolate became too expensive for them to make.

They are called Andes Candies, but I don't really understand that name. Nor do I care, because I only want to eat them. He makes me some and they are exactly what I wanted. I have all of them gone in record time. I should feel fat, but instead I want more. So, of course he makes me more.

I eat what must me at least fifty percent of the world's supply in chocolate, but I don't care; they are so good. I eat them until the day I give birth. We go to a hospital this time, and it's a good thing we do because they end up having to do a cesarean section. I don't even know what it is, or that it was possible. The idea scares me to death. But they assure me that it in the best interest of both me and my baby. We have Haymitch watching Peri, so at least I don't have to worry about explaining to her that her mama has to have the baby cut out of her. It's enough trauma for me, she doesn't need to know about it.

When I wake up, I see Peeta holding a little bundle in a light blue blanket. He looks up at me and smiles

"Boy" he whispers. I smile and feel tears fall down my cheeks. Peeta stands and carefully puts the baby into my arms. I look at his little face and, just like with Peri, all my fears melt away. He is definitely worth the incision that I am too scared to look at any time soon. I run my finger across his soft little cheek

"What are we going to call him?" I ask Peeta while still staring at the baby. Peeta takes a long pause to think. I look at him just in time to see a grin spread across his face

"Andy" he says.

"Why Andy?" I ask him, curious

"Well, you've been eating Andes Candies nonstop for months; that little boy must me about ninety percent Andy" He tells me with a large grin on his face. I look back down at the baby

"Andy... yes, I love it... Andy"


	27. Final Words

_So I ran out of one-shots to write, and I got no requests, so I think I'm done. Also; my computer decided to delete my ENTIRE story. All of it. Along with an original story I had been working on for quite a while. Needless to say, I'm pissed. It's been over a month, but I'm still pissed. I have started rewriting my original story, but I don't think it's as good as it was the first time *sigh*. If you want to know more about it, let me know and I'll give more info. I have found another site I am going to try to use for my original stories; if you want more info, pm me. I am also rewriting my other story on here, Victors in Dauntless, because it was poorly written. I have also been working on a Jelsa story and a Rise of the Guardians AU. If that interests you, let me know. Thank you SO MUCH everybody for reading my story. I never thought anybody would like my writing, so it makes me very happy. If you want more info about anything, pm me. Again, thank you so much. Until the next story…._

 **Snippet of my original story:**

"Are you cold, Siri?" Archer asks about half an hour later. I look at the temperature; it's sixty five degrees out

"No, not at all" I tell him

"Interesting" He says. What is that supposed to mean?

"My body temperature is lower than most people… it's weird" I say, wanting to kind of explain myself

"Interesting" he says again. This is irritating

"What, if I may ask, is so damn interesting?" I ask

"All in good time" he says… again. Damn him

I decide to stay silent until we finally get to Nevada. But now I want some answers

"Now where are we going?" I ask

"Area Fifty one" Archer says. I stare at him for a moment, sure that I heard him wrong

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me; we are going to Area Fifty One. I will answer some of your questions now" he tells me. Leo looks worried.

"What… the fuck?" is all I can get out. Area Fifty One? It's real? Why the hell are we going there? Who the hell are these people I have been in this truck with for voo-koo hours? I should probably be asking these questions out loud, but I can't get my mouth to cooperate

"I don't really know how to answer that. How about I tell you a story?" He says

"Will it help to explain… What the fuck?" I ask

"It might"

"Fine, then…. Fine"

"Once upon a time… there was a planet. This planet was similar to the planet Earth, it had creatures and intelligent beings. They weren't humans, but they were smarter than humans. But one day, something terrible happened so that everybody had to leave. They got as many together as they could and left the planet. They found a planet similar to their own and moved there. They didn't want the inhabitants to feel as if they were taking over, so they contacted the government of the country the landed in and the government gave them a place to stay. But they had also given them something else. It wasn't intentional, but it was given nevertheless. It was a virus. A virus that was deadly to the newcomers. And there was nothing that could be done about it. It killed off nearly half of them before they realized something had to be done to protect their kind

They got human volunteers to come and try to find a solution. The virus was not deadly in any way to the humans, so they did not mind helping. They were not able to find a cure or vaccine for the virus, but they did come up with an idea" he stops for a minute, I guess to see if I have any questions. I have a ton of questions, but I want to understand the story first. So when I say nothing, he continues

"They got volunteers to create offspring between the humans and the newcomers. They used various combinations of the human's eggs and sperm with the newcomers'. They had many babies using both human and nonhuman surrogates. But most of the babies contracted the virus within a few days of being born. So the remaining babies were sent away, in hopes that they would survive and be able to return in the future so they could continue with testing; but most still died within the first year or two or life. However, there were four that we have been tracking; four who survived… despite the odds. But when the first of them was ready to return, she was in an accident… and died. The second was tested and was infertile. The third was returned… and contracted the virus…. She was dead within a few hours" Archer says that last part quietly, glancing at Leo. Leo looks away and sounds like he is trying not to cry.

I am scared of the answer, but I need to ask

"What…. What happened to the last one?" I ask. I think I know the answer…. But I pray that I am wrong. But Leo looks at me in the rear view mirror and confirms my suspicions

"You, Siri…. You are all that is left. You are the only one of your kind. And you may be the key to saving us." I can't breathe. Surely this is some kind of fucked up joke

"This is a joke… right?" I ask

"I wish, Siri" he tells me. And I know he is telling the truth.

 _Seem interesting? Want to know more? Let me know if you know of a good site where I can post it._


	28. Peeta's POV of chapter 13

_**Marked this as complete, but… nah; decided to do some more one shots after getting inspired. Please review and tell your friends to read and review too. Please? I love reviews. If you have a request for a one shot LET ME KNOW! Thank you for reading and reviewing. This story makes me feel so warm and fuzzy and I hope you guys get those feelings too. Love you guys,**_ __

 _Chapter 13 Peeta's POV_

I can't believe she actually said she was ready. I always wanted her to agree, but when she actually said it… I got scared. Can I be a good father, with my problems? They haven't been very bad in years, but they still scare me. We both agreed to not tell anybody in case it just doesn't happen; no need to get everybody's hopes up. But we have been trying. I can't say it's not fun; but it is more tense than usual. But afterward, Katniss always has nightmares. I'm worried about her, and I don't like hurting her like this. If it doesn't happen… then it doesn't happen, but I'm not going to keep letting her be hurt.

Today the bakery helps to clear my mind; it always does. I get into the zone of icing and everything else melts away. Everything except Katniss, that is. She's always at the forefront of my mind. And today I can tell something is off about her. She seems really tired. She hasn't been getting a lot of sleep, but she always tries to hide how tired she is from me. She's icing white on cookies right now for me to frost with flowers later. I decide to check on her. I walk into the room she is in and she looks really pale and bothered by something

"What's wrong?" I ask her

"I… I'm just really tired" she finally admits

"You haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately, why don't you go home and lay down?" I suggest. I wanted her to stay home and sleep anyway, but she refused. She doesn't refuse now, however. She agrees to leave and then does so without saying much else. I'm worried about her. It seems like there is something more than lack of sleep that is wrong with her. Not like she'll tell me though. She can be so stubborn. I go back to my cake in an effort to stop worrying so much. By the time it's time to close, I have finished my intricately decorated wedding cake to be sent to district three. I get requests from other districts all the time for cakes for different occasions. I close up and head home. Now I'm starting to worry about Katniss again. Maybe she was just tired and I'm over thinking it.

"Katniss, I'm home" I say when I walk in the door. I say it loud enough that she should hear me if she is in bed, but quiet enough so I shouldn't wake her if she's asleep. There's no answer, so I guess she's in bed. I start toward our room, but I see her out of the corner of my eye when I pass the living room. She sitting on the couch, stick straight. Something is definitely wrong

"I thought you would be in bed" I say, walking in the room. I see her face and… she's crying "What's wrong?" I ask her, sitting next to her and taking her hands in mine. I hate when she cries. She looks like she is struggling to find the words for what she wants to say. Then she takes my hand and presses it against… her stomach. I look at my hand on her stomach, confused… but then I feel it; the tiniest little bump against my hand. My eyes must triple in size. I look up at her

"Katniss?" I ask, unbelieving. She sobs silently and more tears fall. _Please don't cry; I'm scared_ too is what I want to say, but instead I pull her against me and hold her tight while she cries "Hey, it'll be okay" I tell her, but I'm also telling myself. I'm not so sure. I haven't been this afraid in a long time

"I'm scared" she says in nearly a whisper

"I know…" _me too_

The next few months are… I don't know how to describe them. Katniss has a lot of nightmares, and I do too, but I don't let her know that. Helping her through hers helps me through mine. Haymitch is excited and surprised when we tell him, and he seems to understand our fear, so that helps. Katniss' mother is on a train to Twelve as soon as we tell her. Katniss was surprised, thinking her mother would never return to Twelve, but she is going to be here for her. Gale and Emerald come to see Katniss because Lily refused to go to school until she could see her. I try to stifle my laughter when Gale says this, but he notices, and we end up laughing a little together. I thought it would be awkward between us, telling him; but it's no more awkward than when he told us about Lily and Emerald.

I continue to open the bakery, but only because Katniss insists life continues as normal. I would rather be with her every second. She should be having the baby any day now. One day Haymitch bursts in the bakery

"Boy! Come on!" he shouts. I come out from the back to see what is going on "Hurry your ass up!" he yells. He is really bothered by something… oh shit. I grab my coat and hurry to follow him out the door. We run to the house as fast as we can, while I shout questions at Haymitch

"What do you mean she was walking to the bakery? He mother told her not to walk too much"

"She wanted to see you and you can't talk her out of doing anything, stubborn ass" he says. But I can tell her is really worried about her. As am I. I don't know anything about child birth!

We get back to the house in ten minutes; a new record. I hurry to Katniss' side and she takes my hand, squeezing it tight

"I'm scared" she says. I kiss her head and tell her it'll be okay. But that was before she started trying to break my fingers. Every contraction results in a harder squeeze and louder scream. This is terrible. The worse three hours I have experienced in a long time. After what feels like an eternity, we all hear the scream. It's a beautiful sound

"It's a girl!" Katniss' mother proclaims. A baby girl! The fear I felt before begins to melt when Katniss' mother walks toward us holding out blanket wrapped bundle. She hands her to Katniss and I watch as Katniss' fear vanishes.

"She's beautiful" I say to Katniss, kissing her head. She's got my blue eyes and her mother's beautiful face.

"What are you going to name her?" Katniss' mother asks us. I look to Katniss

"Periwinkle?" she asks me. Periwinkle, her second favorite flower; behind Primrose, of course; that gives me an idea

"…Yes, Periwinkle Primrose Mellark" I tell her gently. She smiles and kisses me

"I love you" she tells me. I never get tired of hearing her say that. She falls asleep moments later, so I hold Periwinkle, I'm gonna call her Peri, while her mother cleans her up. I move the rocking chair over to replace the chair I was sitting in so I can rock our beautiful baby next to my beautiful wife. Haymitch watches me for a moment before he walks over to me. He stares at Peri a moment before he finally says something

"She looks just like her" he says. I smile and nod as I run my finger across her tiny, soft cheek. "Sweetheart here has the right idea, I'm going to sleep" he says. It's late, so I tell him to go to one of the empty rooms down the hall. I try to get Katniss' mother to do the same, but she refuses to leave the room. So she lies on the couch after making me promise to wake her if something seems wrong with Katniss or the baby. She's asleep within moments.

I have never been happier, sitting here with my beautiful girls… I'm a dad now… I feel a tear fall down my cheek. Life is great

 _ **Let me know if you like hearing from Peeta. Let me know what other scenes you want from him if you like it. PLEASE review, reading reviews make me feel so good. Thank you for reading**_ __


	29. Periwinkles and Primroses

Peri is two and a half now, and in a question asking stage. 'why' is her favorite word, and it drives me crazy. Every day things that used to just be things are now questions. Why do we have a refrigerator? Why are papa Haymitch's geese so loud? Why is the sky blue? Why is grass green? Why does she look the way she does? The number of questions I hear in one hour is insurmountable. I answer her questions the best I can, because 'just because' is not an answer in her book. She accepts my answers until she has a question that is hard for me to answer

"Who's that?" she asks. She is sitting on the floor with her toys, but she is looking up at the wall where several pictures are hanging

"Who's who?" I ask her, squatting down next to her. She points to one of the pictures

"Her, who is she?" she asks me. I feel my face pale, but I take a deep breath and try to answer her

"That's… that's your Aunt Prim" I tell her, my voice catching a little bit. I wish Peeta was here to help me, but he has been crazy busy at the bakery. Peri scrunches her nose at the picture

"She doesn't look like an ant to me and that's part of my name" she says. This actually makes me laugh a little.

"Not that kind of ant, baby girl. Aunt means she's mommy's sister and you were given her name for your middle name" I tell her, pulling her into my lap as I sit on the floor

"Where is she?" she asks me. I feel my lip shake as I try to think of an answer that won't result in me crying. She is too young for me to tell her where Prim really is

"She's with your grandparents" I tell her

"With grandma in the other district?" she asks

"…no, the others; Mommy's daddy and Daddy's parents" I tell her

"Well, where are they?" she asks

"Well… they're in a special place. We can't see them or talk to them… but they're there. I wish you could meet them" I tell her

"You sound sad, Mommy" she says, looking at me

"I wish I could see Prim… I loved her a lot" I say, my voice catching again. She turns to study the picture

"She looks like Grandma" she says after a long moment

"Yes, she does, doesn't she?"

"Yeah… she's really pretty. What's she like?" she asks. So many questions

"She's… really nice. You would have so much fun with her and she would have loved you to death. She wanted to be a doctor… she was a very good healer"

I end up staying on the floor with Peri for hours, telling her about Prim. I tell her about how much Prim loved Buttercup and about when she brought home Lady. I tell her about how much Prim wanted to be a doctor and how good she was at healing. I tell her about how much Prim loved to look at the cakes in the bakery, just like she does. I tell her about how nice Prim was, and all the nice things she did for people. I tell her that I hope she grows up to be just like her Aunt Prim, and she tells me she hopes so too. Peeta comes home and finds us talking about her. He is worried for me at first, but then he joins us and tells Peri about his experiences with Prim. It's heartbreaking, but amazing. I miss my sister so badly that it hurts, but I have my beautiful baby girl who always helps when I am missing the people I have lost. And I love her so much for that


	30. C-section but why?

Peri loves my belly. I tell her that she came into this world the same way, but she never believes me. She loves talking to it and feeling the kicks. I'm due in one month and I feel like I could fall over every time I stand. I was in such denial when I realized I was pregnant again. I cried a lot until Haymitch helped me feel better. He has been avoiding me a lot lately, though; probably in fear of being with me when my water breaks, like last time. I laugh a little just thinking about his reaction. Then I remember actually giving birth and I can feel my face pale a little. I love Peri to death, but having her was its own version on hell, and that's saying something considering all the hell I've been through. It scares me, but Peeta always assures me that if I did it once, I can do it again; especially since he will be there so I can break his fingers again. He told me he isn't going to the bakery for the last month, so his not being here when it happens is not a possibility. He just rushed off a minute ago to answer the phone. It's probably my mother; she should be here soon just in case. There is a hospital, but I would rather not go there

"Katniss… can I talk to you?" Peeta says, walking out of the study

"Do I have to get up?" I ask him. I feel so fat when I have to stand; it involves a lot of rocking

"Um… no; Peri, can you go to your room, sweetie?" Peeta says. Peri agrees and happily trots up the stairs to her room. Peeta looks pale. Who was on the phone? What has happened? He sits on the couch next to me and takes my hands, letting our intertwined hands rest on my belly.

"W-what's wrong?" I ask, with a bad feeling in my stomach

"Katniss… you're mom… she died last night… gone in her sleep…" he tells me.

"But, the baby…" she was supposed to deliver it! I don't want to go to the hospital

"I know… it looks like we might have to go to the hospital, but… I'm sorry" he says. He looks really worried… about me going to the hospital?

"I don't like the hospital, but… it'll be okay" I tell him. Peeta looks a little confused

"Are you okay?" he asks

"Yeah… she's where she should have been long ago… she was never meant to live without my father… she was never again the same after he died… now maybe she's with him, and… Prim" I tell him

"Are you sure you're okay, though?" he asks

"…I'm sure. It's hard that she'll never get to see the baby… but she's where she needs to be" I tell him. Peeta wipes my cheek, I started crying without realizing

Telling Periwinkle does not go over as well. She doesn't really understand, so we have to explain it to her. It's so hard to see a change in her eyes… the realization that everybody dies… she cries for a long time before she falls asleep. Her crying made me cry more, which was not fun. I sat on the floor next to her while we cried and getting back up was an effort for the record books.

Now I'm lying on our bed, holding my belly and thinking about how this is going to pan out. I really didn't want to go to the hospital… while I'm thinking about it, and over-thinking, I fall asleep. And have the most amazing dream

It's the meadow. It's in bloom and absolutely beautiful. I smile at a small group of periwinkles growing next to a primrose bush. I hear a voice and freeze…

"I've missed you so" he says. I slowly turn and I see my father, but he isn't looking at me, he's looking beyond me. I look back and I see my mother… tears start to fall. They walk toward each other, my mother getting younger and younger the closer she gets to him. By the time they meet, clasping hands, she is the age she was when he died. They stand there for a long moment, smiling at each other, until we all look for the source of a small giggle. I find her peeking out from behind a tree to the right of us… Prim, but she looks about the age she was when our father died. I let out a small sob, but it appears that nobody sees or hears me.

She giggles and hides behind the tree again before popping back out the other side. Then she starts running toward our parents… but she gets older the closer she gets to them, until she is as old as she was the day she died. I see a tear fall down my father's cheek

"She grew to be the most beautiful young lady, didn't she?" he says to my mother, who smiles and nods at him. Prim hugs them both tightly and then takes both of their hands. They all start to walk through the meadow together… away from me. I try to follow them, but they keeps getting farther and farther away. They can't leave me! I try to yell, but they can't hear me… they can't hear me…

"Katniss, baby, wake up" Peeta says, holding my cheek with one of his hands. I open my eyes "You were yelling in your sleep… for your mother and father… and Prim" he says. I nod and he wipes a tear from my cheek, he helps me sit up some and then he holds me while I cry and lean against his shoulder

"I was right… they're all together… without me…" I say in almost a whisper

"I know… It'll be okay… I promise" he tells me

I don't have any other dreams. And I don't cry again. I'm glad my mother is with my father and Prim. But I do still fiercely wish she was here for me to have the baby. I'm scared.

My water broke and we rushed to the hospital, leaving Peri with Haymitch. But when we got here, they determined that something was wrong and did an ultrasound

"Ms. Everdeen, the baby is not in the proper position for a natural birth" the doctor says after running the wand thing over my belly

"What does that mean?" I ask, very worried

"The baby is supposed to come out head first, but your baby is feet down. It's not safe for you to vaginally deliver it this way" he says, turning the screen to show me. But I can't tell what the picture is

"What does _that_ mean?" Peeta then asks

"It means you'll need to have a Cesarean Section to remove the baby" he says

"A sea-side what?" I ask. I am so uncomfortable right now, and now he is using words that I don't know what they mean and it irritates me!

"A Cesarean Section; we will make an incision from here, to here, and remove the baby that way" he says, pointing to certain spots on the sides of my belly

"You want to cut it out!" I shout at him

"Yes, it seems that we will have to" he says. I look to Peeta in distress

"How often is this done?" he asks the doctor

"Quite often; I assure you that both Katniss and the baby will be fine" the doctor tells us

"Katniss… we need to do it. We don't want something to happen. It's not safe to have the baby any other way" Peeta says. He looks a little worried, but sure. So I agree to do it. Now we are in a room waiting for… I don't know what we're waiting for

I squeeze Peeta's hand tightly as another contraction comes

"Owwwww!" I shout

"Don't push, Ms. Everdeen" the nurse tells me

"But I have to!" I yell at her. I have this overwhelming urge to push; I can't help it

"I know, miss, but you must try not to. The anesthesiologist should be here soon so we can perform your C-section" she tells me

"I don't know what that is!" I yell at her, sick of them telling me things that I don't understand

"We're waiting for the doctor who is going to knock you out to we can deliver your baby" she says, dumming things down for me

"How much longer?" I whine at her

"Not too long" a man says, walking into the room.

"We need to hurry, her contractions are only a few minutes apart now" the nurse tells the man. It's like my body knows that word and another contraction hits me. I resist the urge to push, but it's so hard!

"Very good" the nurse says "I know how hard it is to resist your body's natural reactions" she says. I just wish she'd shut the hell up. And my wish is granted. Now we are headed to an operation room.

When I am finally in a bed, holding my little blue bundle of Andy, with Peeta asleep in a chair, I decide that the C-section was better than a natural birth. But I wish everybody could be here to see little Andy and Peri too. My dad would probably carry Peri on his shoulders, like he used to do with Prim. My mom would sit with Andy until I nearly pried him away, like I had to do with Peri. I imagine Finnick, sending a look at Annie; a wiggling-eyebrow look that said 'how about another' and she would get red in the face. I imagine Cinna would already have a whole wardrobe drawn out; just waiting to get made after finding out Andy was a boy. Peri would have been the best dressed little girl in history…

But I'm sure they're all together… I hope they are. I hate thinking about these things, it makes me so sad. So I stop thinking about it, and just stare at my beautiful baby boy. Everything will be okay


	31. We just in the bakery!

_**Let me know what one shots you want to read, and I will try my best to write them. But if you don't let me know, I won't know. Please review or pm me what you want to read. I'm not a mind reader, just a book reader. Thank you for reading. Love you all**_ __

I have discovered that I love watching Peeta frost. I love the look he gets when he makes a flower, or tries to make perfectly even drape icing. It's an intense look of concentration that I could watch all day. I came in today to help ice white on cookies so Peeta could decorate them later, but I got distracted watching him. I put away my icing and moved to the stool next to him, just so I could watch him. I sit there for I don't know how long until he finally notices. He grins at me, but looks a little embarrassed

"How long have you been watching me?" he asks, looking back at his cake

"I don't know" I tell him, honestly

"That's not creepy" he says, smiling at me

"You're handsome, and you just have to stare at people like that" I counter

"Who else are you staring at?"

"Nobody; nobody else looks at good as you do" I say. He laughs at me

"You are so full of it" he tells me

"Full of what?" I ask. He looks at the icing bag in his hand

"Icing… you're full of icing" he tells me. I have to laugh

"Not yet, I'm not. Is that buttercream?" I ask, holding out my finger for a taste

"You want some?" he asks. I nod and he gives me a wicked grin. What is he thinking? Instead of putting some icing on my finger, he puts some on his bottom lip "Come get it" he tells me. I scowl at him and he pouts at me, sticking his icing-covered lip out. I bite my lip and get off the stool. He raises his eyebrows at me, as if challenging me. I don't hesitate, so I don't have time to second-guess myself, I just lean forward and lick the icing off of his lip. When I pull away, his eyebrows are as high as they could possibly get. I've surprised him. I smile, proud of myself

"I've got to admit; I didn't think you'd actually do it" he says, his cheeks a little red; as I'm sure mine are. He then lightly runs his tongue across his lip "But I think you missed a little bit" he tells me. I don't think about it at all this time, I just lean in and kiss him, running my tongue slowly across his lip. I can feel his smile as he kisses me back. I love this

Then the kiss turns into something else. I get scared; we are in the bakery, we can't be kissing like this in the kitchen! But it feels so good to kiss him like this. I don't argue when he lifts me up and sets me on the counter, so we are the same height. He stands in between my legs as he kisses me, with his hands on my thighs.

"Peeta… w-what if somebody walks in here?" I ask when Peeta's lips move from my mouth to my neck.

"We're closed and the door is locked" he says. I'm still a little worried, but his kissing my neck makes my eyes flutter shut and my worries flutter away. I can never keep track of how this happens, but now both Peeta and I are without shirts, and it feels so good

Peeta suddenly picks me up off the counter and I wrap my legs around him, so he doesn't drop me

"I'll never drop you" he whispers in my ear "I love you" he kisses my neck again. He takes us to his 'office'; a room he uses only to take orders for larger cakes and then design them. There is a small love seat in the corner, and he takes us there, laying my bare back against it. Then my pants are gone and his hands are moving all over. At one time, I would be embarrassed, but Peeta told me before that it upsets him how embarrassed it get around him, so I have learned to get over it. And that was a good thing, not being embarrassed about everything makes it so much better. That is until you realize where it was just done

"We just… in the bakery" I say, turning and sending a horrified look at Peeta. We are sitting comfortably on the love seat with me in front of him, pressed against his chest so I can feel his rapid heartbeat slow through my back.

"Yeah… we did" he says. He grins at me, but he can't hide the redness that is in his cheeks as well. I put my face in my hands and groan a little. Peeta takes my hand and holds it over my shoulder, against his lips

"Do you wish we hadn't?" he asks, his voice muffled by my hands

"No" I tell him, honestly

"Me neither… but maybe we should have waited until we got home" he says. I'm not sure why, but this makes me laugh. Peeta looks at me, confused, for a moment before he starts laughing too. I don't think we could have waited to save our lives. My laughter turns into giggles

"I love you so much" I tell him

"I love you so much more" he says back. Nobody can ever know about this, I tell myself, giggling some more

 _ **Wanted to do something a little crazier. It makes me giggle when I think about Katniss and Peeta getting bizay, so I wanted to write a little about it. Did you like it? Hate it? Want more like it? Want more of something else? Let me know! Review, pm me, do whatever to let me know what it is that you want from my story. I will try to write anything you want me to, but you've got to let me know what that is. Thank you for reading.**_ __


	32. The Toasting Peeta's POV

_**I like writing in Peeta's POV sometimes. If you want to hear a specific scene from his POV, let me know and I may try to write it. Thank you for reading. PLEASE review**_ __ __

 _ **Peeta's POV chapter 11**_

The idea of having kids scares me too, but Katniss seems unwilling to even think about it. But we're had this conversation a lot. I try to ignore it while I hold her on the train on our way back to twelve. I thought it would be awkward seeing Gale, but it wasn't too bad and the wedding was beautiful. I thought about asking Katniss to marry me; but everybody in Panem would find out, even if we tried to have just a small ceremony. I don't want a wedding full of people we don't even know, and I know Katniss doesn't want that either. So I never bothered to bring it up.

But I am perfectly relaxed here, holding Katniss in my arms. Well… almost perfectly. She seems bothered by something; I hope it's not the baby thing still… she suddenly sits up an turns to face me

"What?" I ask her. She leans in and kisses me gently; the best kind of kiss. But when she pulls away, just barely, she asks me something I was not expecting

"Peeta… will you marry me?" she whispers I jerk back so I can look at her face, to see if she is serious. She looks very serius. Maybe I heard her wrong?

"What?" I ask her, to check. She smiles at me

"Will you marry me?" she asks again "Not a big wedding or anything, but do the toasting with me" why didn't I ever think about that? I stare at her for a moment, thinking, but I'm not sure why, but then I smile at her. I feel like I could cry, I love her so much and we are going to prove it to each other. I grab her and pull her against me, hugging her tightly

"Of course" I tell her. We order a small loaf of bread and build a small fire together. Then we toast the bread lightly. We sit in front of the fire, facing each other; each of us holding a small piece of the toasted bread. I think about when I tossed her that bread so many years ago and it makes me grin

"Katniss Everdeen… will you be my wife? I ask her softly "Will you love me and care for me forever? A tear slips down her cheek

"Of course" she whispers "Peeta Mellark… will you be my husband? Will you love me and protect me for all time?" she asks me. I tell her the same thing I always tell her

"Always" I whisper. We twist our arms together and feed each other the bread. Then Katniss nearly falls against me, hugging me tightly and crying. I hold her back just as tightly

"I love you so much" she says

"I love you so much more" I tell her, kissing her tears away


	33. Changing Beliefs is Never Easy

_**This is some time after Katniss and Peeta meet Emerald and Lily. If you don't remember, Emerald is Gale's wife and baby mama. This was a requested scene, because I listen to my reviewers. If you have a scene you want to read, let me know! Put it in a review, pm me, kik me at les 7091. I don't care how you get your ideas to me, just do it and I will try to write it. Thank you for reading and please review. (I got wifi now so I can post as quickly as I can write :D)**_

"Katniss, can we talk about something?" Emerald asks me. It was weird to get a call from her, but she's nice to talk to sometimes

"Um… sure? What about?" I ask her

"Well… my family decided that they want to reconcile after all these years. But I told them about Gale, and they think he might still be in love with you" what? "And I realized that I don't really know much about what happened between you and Gale… can you tell me?" she asks, sounding shy. She is always like that when we talk

"Well… I met Gale after my father died. He helped me learn to better survive and hunt in the woods. We were just hunting partners… he was like a brother to me. Then I came back from the games and he told me that he had had feelings for me. I didn't know how to feel about it, and I had to factor in Peeta when I thought about my feelings. Also, the capitol had said that we were cousins because he's too handsome to be just a friend, I heard. Things were tense between us and I realized that I did love him when he was whipped for hunting and getting caught. I think he told you about that?"

"Yeah, I saw his scars… thank goodness your mother and sister were there for him" she says. This momentarily chokes me up, but I continue

"Well… I realized I love him, but I wasn't _in_ love with him. There were times when I used him for my own comfort. Like after Peeta was highjacked… it wasn't right, and I realize that now. After what happened to Prim… I couldn't bear to be around him anymore. But, as you know, we settled that. And here we are today" I tell her

"Wow… do you think, had Peeta never…" she doesn't seem willing to come right out and ask, but I know what she's asking.

"I've thought about it before and… maybe we would have. But we are too similar to have had anything lasting" I tell her what I have honestly deduced, after thinking about it for years

"Ok… thank you so much" she says

"…If you don't mind… could I ask you a question as well?"

"Of course, anything" she answers immediately

"You told me when we met about what happened between you and your family… but why do you think you strayed from the beliefs of everybody else?" I ask her, wanting to know. There were many rebels from the career districts; those who lives in luxury their whole life; why give that up? I have wondered this a lot since the war

"Well… I'm not really sure… maybe my cousin. She was reaped a few years before your first games and our family was so proud of her, they pretty much threw her onto the stage… she didn't do so good in training. My family told people it was her strategy; to appear weak and then come out fighting like a mad man… but she didn't. She couldn't find any food and she was nearly dead within a couple of days. Our family was wealthy enough, we could have sent money to sponsor her, but they said she didn't deserve it. I looked at the games differently after that, I didn't see them as a game anymore; I saw them as a symbol of someone trying to earn honor. When I was the fear on the faces of people getting reaped for years after that, I thought they were just scared of dishonoring their families. But I saw the fear on your face differently, when they called your sister's name" she takes a deep breath, I guess trying to keep herself together, as am I

"That wasn't a fear that you or your sister might dishonor your family… that was true terror. I realized that somebody would not have that expression on their face and desperation in their voice out of fear of dishonoring their family… When Peeta professed his love for you… I realized it farther. If Twelve is like One, then it has its ranks among the people and Peeta seemed at a different rank. Around two, loving throughout the ranks is frowned upon, so I realized Peeta didn't have a fear of dishonoring his family, because he may have already done that?"

"Yeah, his family didn't like me very much" I tell her

"I knew it. Then you pulled out those berries… if you had killed Peeta, in my district, it would have been tragic, but also one more kill. And _the more kills, the better_ was a motto for the games in One. But you didn't kill him, and he didn't kill you. You would have rather both died rather than face what would have come after winning alone… and that wasn't going to be honor.

"Many people were big fans of the star-crossed lovers, and loved what you did. But others were upset because, the way they saw it you were dishonoring you district, which was how my family saw it; but there were other people, like me, who were finally seeing the truth behind the games…

"The anger of the victors during the interviews of the Quarter Quell confirmed my beliefs… the games were nothing like I was always taught. They were horrific and they needed stopped. But my family didn't see it that way; they thought the victors were 'inspired' and 'excited to farther honor themselves and their districts' but I told them it wasn't true. When I told them what I thought, that it wasn't about honor at all, they made me leave. They wouldn't even let me take my things. That's when I hopped a train in the middle of the night and snuck into Two and joined the rebels" she finishes

"Wow… I never knew the other districts felt that way. In Twelve being in the games meant certain death…" I say quietly

"I know… and I'm sorry for not realizing sooner" she says

"What could you have done? Nothing. It's not your fault things were the way they were" I tell her

"Thank you, Katniss" she suddenly blurts

"What for?"

"Just for being yourself; feisty, and willing to fight to the end in every situation" she tells me

"You're welcome. How's Lily?"

"She's great! She started school and she just loves it… when she doesn't have homework"

"You all should come visit when the business with your family dies down" I suggest

"That sounds amazing"

"Good luck with your family"

"I'm seriously going to need it… I don't know why they decide that now's a good time" she says with a sigh "Thank you for answering my question"

"You're welcome. Thank you for answering mine" I tell her. And then we hang up

"Who was that?" Peeta asks, walking into the room

"Emerald"

"Emerald?"

"Yeah; she wanted to know about my relationship with Gale" I say

"Hmm" is all Peeta says. I smile at him

"And she answered a question of mine. So it's all good" I tell him, going to him and wrapping my arms around him. I'm pretty bothered by what Emerald told me. It was all about honor? Just forget all the dead kids… but that's over now. I tell myself this several times before I start to feel better. It _is_ over now… forever

"So… guess what I just made?" he asks me. It's going to be chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin cookies, a cake, or cheese buns

"What?"

"Cheese buns" he says. Then I nearly run him over getting to the kitchen. Cheese buns always make me feel better. And so does the sound of Peeta's laughter, which is ringing loud and clear from the study to here in the kitchen. It makes me smile

Any talk of the games makes me really bothered and anxious, but, as always, Peeta can always make me feel better. I hope Gale has this kind of effect on Emerald, because she needs it. But maybe he can't; maybe that's why I ended up with Peeta…

I wonder a lot what may have been different had certain things not happened. Had Prim's name not been called? Had I not volunteered? Had Peeta not professed his love for me? Had gale professed his feelings sooner?

But it doesn't matter. What happened; happened. It may have resulted in a lot of heart ache and sadness; but in the end I am here with Peeta. And that makes me happy. Always


	34. Return to the Meadow

_**Most people may not like this chapter. But I wrote it anyway. I tried to not write it, but it just kept coming back; and when an idea keeps coming back, that's my sign that I need to write it. I have gotten so many wonderful reviews and I would like to say THANK YOU. Writing helps me feel better, and I have needed that a lot lately. Thank you so much for reading, liking, reviewing… it means the world to m, you all have no idea.**_

 _ **p.s I need some ideas about what to write, I've hit a wall again. And don't forget to check out my other story. And my new Rise of the Guardians story**_

Peeta's been sick… really sick. I know he's not going to get better… I just know it. I sit with him always, only leaving to get him something he needs. He wants me to leave him, to not see him like this… but how could I leave him?

I get a lot of time to think. And make decisions. And think about the decisions. So when I call Peri and Andy, I know I am making the right decision. Andy moved away last year, so it takes him a while to get here. Peri still lives in twelve, but I'm not going to tell her what I want without her brother here. I made her leave Jasmine at home; so she knows something is going on, because I always want to see my grandbaby. But I can't have her here for this.

"Mom, what's going on?" Andy says, walking in and seeing everybody. I look at Peeta, he's asleep.

"Come with me" I tell them, standing and walking them to the living room

"Mom, you've got us scared" Peri says. I'm not trying to scare them, but…

"I need to tell the two of you a story" I tell them, motioning for the two of them to sit on the couch. They do, and I sit in the chair across from it. They look nervous. I sigh loudly

"When I was eleven, my father died. My mother didn't handle it well. She went into a deep depression. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't talk… she wouldn't move. For years. I had to take care of my younger sister and keep all three of us alive. My mother finally recovered, but I never looked at her the same way again. Never thought about her the same way again, even though I came to understand why she became so ill. You got a glimpse of that when your Papa Haymitch died. I don't want you two to see that again" I tell them. They seem confused

"As you know… your father isn't doing too well" I tell them, my voice breaking "And I know I will be just like my mother, who was never meant to go on without my father… I cannot go on without your father. So when he goes… I need to go too" I tell them. Tears fall silently down Peri's cheeks, but Andy has developed a quiet whimper "I'm sorry… but I don't want to change your view of me as my mother did to me. I love you too much to do that"

At the same time Peri nods her head, Andy shakes his. Then they look at each other

"Andy!"

"Peri!" they both say each other's names at the same time "We can't let her think like that!"

"I know how she feels, Andy. I don't know what I would do without Felix" she tells him, her tears still falling, but you would know by just listening to her speak

"I don't care, Peri!"

"You will! One day, when you find somebody, you are going to understand. And if you don't agree to let her do this, you will feel bad about it when you find yours" Peri says

"My what? My 'Felix'? My girl?" Andy asks, looking and sounding annoyed. He has not been a fan of finding somebody since his first and only girlfriend broke up with him

"No, Andy… not just any girl… you need to find your Always. Then you'll understand why we can't make her go on without dad"

"My what?" he asks

"Don't you ever pay attention to anything? Your Always. Maybe you'll get it one day. But I'm not waiting until then and I'm sure mom isn't" Peri tells him, scooting closer to him and putting her arm around his shoulder. He looks at me for a moment before he starts crying. I haven't seen him cry in years.

"But what will I do without you two?" he asks

"Andy, baby, come here" I tell him. He looks down and shakes his head. So I go to him, sitting next to him on the couch. "Andy please look at me" he shakes his head again, so I put my hand on his cheek and turn his face to face mine.

"I was just about your age when I thought I had lost everyone. I was ready to just give up… I did give up. I lost my sister and many friends. I cared about my sister more than anybody in the world. I was sure there was nothing left to live for. But then I realized that I had more than I thought I did. I had your father, and my mother, and your uncle Gale, and your Papa, and your aunts Johanna and Annie, and little Finnick. I had people to support and love me. It hurt to lose the people that I did, it still hurts, but I know that they're all okay, together… just waiting for me in the meadow" I tell him. He's stopped crying, but his lips is still shaking, but he is looking at me without my making him

"Ok" he whispers

"Ok?" I ask him. He nods

"Ok" now we sit wrapped together on the couch, holding each other and crying

"Thank you" I whisper to them several times. I love my children. They mean the world to me. But I cannot live without Peeta. I _will_ become my mother without him, and I don't want that. Plus I have been away from my sister for far too long

And so Peeta and I are in the meadow again… looking the same way we did when we were young.

"Well… it's about time" I hear a familiar voice say. I look up and see Prim. I remember the last time I had a dream like this… I couldn't catch up with her and she left me. But this time she walks straight towards me. She stops just in front of me, her toes against mine. She reaches up and puts something on my head; a crown made of periwinkles "They'll be okay" she whispers to me. Then she turns to Peeta and hugs him "We have missed your baking so much! Come, you need to make me a cake" she says

So we follow her through the meadow. And everybody is there, like I knew they would be; Rue, Cinna, Finnick, my mother, my father, Peeta's family, Buttercup, Haymitch… everybody. I hug them all as tightly as I can. Then I get to Haymitch

"Nice job, Sweetheart" he whispers in my ear

 _ **So… yeah… I am not a religious person, and I don't know if I believe in heaven, but… I find it comforting if Katniss believes that everybody is okay in some beautiful place and she and Peeta get to join them. My great grandpa died recently and I was happy about it, even if it hurt, because I believe he should have died with his wife. He was never the same after she left. It still hurts when the ones we love leave us, but… you never know what comes next, I suppose. The greatest of life's mysteries is life itself.**_

 _ **This is a snippet of my Rise of the Guardians story. I am going to post it after I post this. I hope you like it. If you do, check out the rest of it and review it for me**_ __ _ **(it won't be very long though)**_

The black sand circled faster and faster, making it impossible for anybody to see… except Pitch. He could see exactly what he was after. He pulled his black bow back, took aim… and fired. His aim was true and his arrow found its target; burying itself deep in Jack's heart. Pitch had originally planned on going after The Sandman, but he saw something more in Jack, something strong, something that could have taken him down… or taken the Guardians down.

So rather than shooting him in the back, he shot him through the heart… and changed him. Jack groaned loudly as he looked down at the arrow. His eyes rolled back, he dropped his staff, and began to fall out of the sky. The wind wasn't there for him this time, but The Tooth Fairy was. She flew up quickly, catching him and laying him down in Santa's sleigh. Bunny, Sandy, Santa, and Tooth all sent Pitch a dark look, and with a final grin… he disappeared with his nightmares.


	35. Peeta's Depression

**I got a request for this one shot, so I wrote it. If you have a one shot you want me to write, let me know what it is and I will do my best to write it. And please review, reviews make me soooo happy. Actually this whole experience has made me soooo happy. Writing has been so helpful with all the crap that has gone down in my life this year, and the support I found here was amazing. I cannot thank you all enough. I have two other stories up;** _ **Victors in Dauntless**_ **and** _ **To be Believed in**_ **. Check those out and let me know what you think about those. I was told to never stop writing, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I never thought of myself as a good writer, but thank you all for thinking so. I love you all**

 _Peeta's POV_

"Peeta, are you okay?" Johanna asks when she answers the phone. But I ignore her question

"Johanna, I need to you watch the kids for a while" I tell her

"Ok, no problem. How's Brainless doing? Last time we talked she was still-"

"They'll be on the next train to Seven. They should be there by tonight" I tell her

"….okay"

"I'm not sure how long they'll need to be gone" I say

"No problem…." For once, Johanna seems speechless

"Bye" I say, and hang up. The kids are already on the train. I can't keep hearing their questions about their damn mother, who is still out of it. She's been in bed since Haymitch died. It was hard on all of us, but she just has to have a complete breakdown. Just screw the rest of life going on around her! I sit in my chair in the living room; the chair I have been sleeping in since I stopped sleeping in bed with _her_. I think long and hard about what to do. I know what needs to be done. But for now, I need sleep.

When I wake up, the house is dead silent. It shouldn't be like this. It's just like when I first returned to Twelve, I got up in the morning and had nothing to listen to but the silence of the dead. And right now that sound is deafening. I can't keep living like this. I storm up the stairs and into my room and I slam the door behind me

Katniss jumps a little, startled by the sound of the door

"I cannot- will not do this anymore, Katniss!" I shout at her. She doesn't have a reaction to my yelling. She actually seems like she's trying to ignore me "I know you needed to mourn, but a month is just too much! Every day the kids ask me when Mama's going to feel better! I know you loved Haymitch, Katniss, I did too! It is hard to live without him, but you more than anybody should understand that, even with death, we have to move on! I know you mourn in a way that's different than most people, but Katniss this is just not healthy! I'm scared; I have been-" I get choked up by the memory of the thoughts I have been having lately. Like when I have a tracker jacker flashback, but different… more real. The thoughts and memories aren't distorted like they were… could that mean they are real? Katniss seems completely unaffected by my raid… Damn her! I turn and leave the room, slamming the door again on my way out.

I stand in the kitchen, trying to figure out what to do now… maybe me and the kids can just leave her. We'll go to another district to be away from her. Screw the bakery; we need to get away from her. I was sure my rant at her had done nothing, so I'm surprised to hear the shower turn on. I have had to drag her to the shower several times over the last month and near force feed her. Maybe she can go back to normal… _no, she is gone and is never coming back, we're better off without her_ ; a voice in my head tells me. That voice used to be hard to understand, but it's loud and clear now. This isn't a flashback fueling my thoughts; this is my conscience telling me what is best for me and my kids.

"Peeta?" I hear her call out. She must have finally come downstairs. I hear her walk closer and closer to the kitchen until I can tell she is right behind me

"Peeta?" she says again, stepping closer. I can feel a tremor start in my hands. I thought she loved me. I was stupid enough to believe she was being sincere when she said it

"Again" I can't get my voice above a whisper "Again you left me… on my own... to deal with something so huge…" Haymitch was like a father to me. A good father. One who helped me when things were bad; didn't just stand by like my actual father did before he died in the firebombs. I can hear her step closer and then she touches my arm. How dare she think she can touch me! I quickly turn around, pulling my arm away from her hand. She looks at my eyes and looks confused and concerned. But I don't care why "I thought… that you finally understood… and wouldn't leave me like that… I guess I was wrong. I guess I may have been wrong about a lot of things" I had been sure that she understood how hard it was to be alone when you lost someone so important in your life, that her losing her sister had shown her what being alone mourning can do. But I had also been sure that she had loved me and our kids. I had been such a fool

But I'm done being a fool

"Peeta… where are the kids? Are they at school?" she asks. She doesn't know where her own kids are. She doesn't even know that they were let out of school two weeks ago for summer break

"They're with Johanna. I asked her to watch them while you abandoned me. Not like you care, though" had she cared, we wouldn't be in this situation right now. She reaches out, I think to take my hand, but I'll be damned if she is going to touch me again. I step away from her

"Do not touch me" I tell her slowly, so she knows I'm serious. She glances at the phone

"Peeta, I am going to get the phone. We need to call the hospital because there is something very wrong with you" she says. I laugh harshly at her. Me? Really? Does she seriously think that?

"Me? There's something wrong with me?" I ask her, surely I heard her wrong. I take a step forward just to make sure I'm not completely crazy and she does have stupid coming out of her mouth. But she takes a step away from me. Does she think I'm going to hurt her?

"Peeta, please; I love you, you need to think about what you are doing" she says. She does think I am going to hurt her. I don't need to hurt her; I need to get her the hell out of my life and the lives of my kids!

"I know exactly what I'm doing" I tell her, chuckling a little at her ignorance "I'm fixing my family. You are like a disease… getting worse and worse until it finally kills you… and our kids don't deserve that. They deserve for you to be out of their lives" I see a tear fall from her eye and run slowly down her cheek. Yeah, the truth hurts. But it hurts more to have your family poisoned by somebody like her. She glances at the phone again. She still thinks I am going to hurt her; I don't want to hurt her! She is so damn thick headed!

"You want the phone? So you can do what? Call for help? You think I want to hurt you?" Stupid "I don't want to hurt you; I want you to go the hell away" I tell her, picking up the phone and holding it out to her "Here, call whoever so you can get out" I tell her. She hesitantly takes then phone and then steps away. I leave the kitchen, needing to be out of her presence. She moves as I do, maintaining our distance from each other; fine by me. I go back to my chair and sit, waiting for whoever she is going to call to get us away from each other. It's not long before several people from the hospital come into the house. They look at me and two of the come over to me, taking me by my upper arms and pulling me up. I put up no fight, just go along. But I do stop when we pass by the kitchen. Katniss is still in there. I look at her

"I want you gone before I come back" I tell her. I will be coming back, because there is nothing wrong with me. And she better be gone so I can bring the kids back

They take me to an ambulance and put me in the back of it. They strap my into it, I guess knowing my history of having violent tracker jackers flashbacks, but that's not what's happening. But I still don't argue. I've done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with me. When we get to the hospital, they escort me inside and lock me in a room. I just sit on the table and wait

Doctors come in and ask me about a hundred questions. I calmly answer their questions, which I think surprises them. They know my history. They finish with their questions and draw a few vials of blood before they put me in a room. I don't mind, though, as long as I am away from her

They come in and tell me that I am depressed and they give me several pills. I'm not surprised that I'm depressed, but I am surprised that they have a medicine for it. Then he tells me something I wasn't expecting… the tracker jacker venom _has_ been causing my thoughts

The doctor leaves me alone and confused about what this means. Katniss still left me alone with the kids, but… maybe she didn't deserve the things I said to her. I don't know how long I sit, confused, before I finally fall asleep

When I wake, I feel very different. But I am still very confused

Is it really possible that all the venom is gone?

Will I really never have another flashback?

Did I really say those things to Katniss?

If I did, why is she here now; sitting in a chair next to my bed with her head down, asleep?

I run my fingers through her hair gently. I have always loved her hair. She will probably hate me. She should; I said awful things to her. I don't know what I was thinking. I continue running my fingers through her hair, in case this is the last chance I will have to do so. But not before long, she stirs. She opens her eyes and sees me, then jerks away quickly. I don't blame her. I'm a terrible husband. Tears fill my eyes at that realization. She must hate me

"Peeta?" She asks, as if she isn't quite sure who I am

"I don't understand what happened… the doctors told me but… it makes no sense… I should have been able to fight it… I said such terrible things" my voice is shaking and I can't stop it or bring it above a whisper; like I couldn't stop the venom from invading my thoughts. "I love you so much… and I am so sorry. But I don't expect you to forgive me" I tell her. I really don't. She'll probably leave like I told her to

But she doesn't. She looks relieved. She jumps onto the bed and wraps her arms around me. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and I grab her, holding her as tightly as she is holding me. I never want to let her go

"I am so, so, so sorry" she cries into my shoulder. Why is she apologizing? I'm the one who said awful things "You were so right; I left you when you needed me… again. I am so sorry"

"Katniss you-" I try to tell her how wrong she is, but she cuts me off

"No! There was no reason for me to act like that. I asked you to stay with me and you always have, but I never return the favor" she says. I want to argue and tell her why that's not true, but I know I might as well argue with the wall

"I love you _so_ much" she says, tears still in her eyes

"I love you so much _more_ " I tell her, kissing her

I am stuck in the hospital for two weeks. The doctor says my recovery is similar to detoxing, and it sure feels like it. For the first week I am in a really bad mood, but I try to hide it. I have snapped on Katniss enough. Plus she gets me blankets and holds me when I get the shivers and helps me feel cool when I have hot flashes. This is awful.

But the kids come home and it's amazing to see them again. I have missed them, even though they were only gone for a few days. But I don't want them around me while I'm like this. After the first week, I still don't feel too great, but better than before. I still want to wait to have the kids around me though. Katniss and I work on the book to keep busy; on Haymitch's entry

It takes up a lot of time and hauls up a lot of memories, both good and bad. It helps, even though it also hurts. His entry ends up being the longest; we write so much about him. We are working on the final touches when the doctor comes in and tells me I can go home. We were already crying because of Haymitch, but now we cry because we can finally try to get things back to normal

But when we get back to the house, we stand in the silent living room for a moment. The atmosphere just feels heavy and… empty. I hear a small noise come from Katniss. She can't break down and go back to that dark place she was in

"Katniss, you need to tell me what you are feeling" I tell her, taking her shoulders and turning her to face me

"I just feel like I'm missing something… like a huge part of me is just gone and I can't get it back" she says, her voice shaking "Haymitch is gone, my mother is gone… the house just seems like it's missing something" I nod in agreement

"I know" I tell her, it really does feel like there might as well be a big hole in the wall. I hold her tight against me until I hear

"Daddy!" Peri and Andy squeal before they run at me and nearly knock me to the ground. I am so relieved to see them looking happy; they haven't looked happy in what seems like forever. I just sink down to the floor and hold my babies

"Daddy?" Andy says. I pull back a little to look at him "Can we make cookies?" our adorable little boy asks. We all have to laugh

"Of course" I tell him. We stay up for hours making dozens of cookies. I find every recipe book I can and we look through them, finding the cookies that sound the best; which turns out to be ten different recipes and ten dozen cookies


End file.
